


Get Where You're Going

by MacKyleMore



Category: Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones
Genre: I've never been able to add tags and I'm not about to start now, M/M, cw: May Contain Heavily Implied Route of The Problem FordeKyle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:54:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24240889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacKyleMore/pseuds/MacKyleMore
Summary: Direct sequel to Route of The Problem.
Relationships: Forde/Kyle
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This sequel is just as unnecessary as the first one, but as of today while writing the first chapter of this it has been about three months since the other! And not a day has gone by where I don't think about it. Whether it just meant something to me that I couldn't quite place or I'm just bored, it says a lot because I hate everything I have ever written, because I don't consider myself a writer and wouldn't ever. 
> 
> That being said I hate it all EXCEPT Route of The Problem, which I honestly LOVE and have been constructing headcanons for my own AU in my brain for the past three months daily. So, to like quote first chapter Forde or whatever, the world doesn't revolve around me, no, but to ME it does and that means I can and WILL drag this AU out even longer if I really want to. I am at the top of my priority list, and If I'm constantly thinking about it I may as well just write it all out because I read that fic over and over and don't want it to end just yet. 
> 
> Onto the situational discomfort that I feel would absolutely befall them immediately after the events beforehand.

"Hmm..." 

_'...You.'_

**Him.**

Forde tries not to think too hard about that answer.

_'You,'_ or rather _him_ as a person, could mean tons and TONS of different things. _'You'_ isn't descriptive enough to tell him what he wants to hear. _'You'_ could mean ' _I forgot how much I needed to get off since I met you, and you fill that need rather well so I was thinking of you in the dark recesses of your dusty closet.'_ Or it could even mean ' _I was thinking of you because I have developed a grade-school level crush where I can't sleep at night because I think of everything I have ever seen you do, and that replays in my head.'"_

And he's not sure which he'd rather hear, because neither seem plausible enough if he thinks too hard.

Luckily, he doesn't get the chance to. The toaster pops; and between the thoughts that rush through his head and the way Kyle is leaning on his kitchen island visibly uncomfortable and awkward, he averts his attention from worrying too much.

"What do you like on your toast...?"

"Peanut butter..."

"That sounds really dry..."

"And uh... honey?"

"...W-What is it?"

Digging in his cupboard for a moment, he ignores what Kyle has just said, because this is actually proving to get even _more_ uncomfortable with every breathing second. Maybe he should have kicked him out... the notion of Kyle (most likely) coming over in the first place _just_ to have sex again continually crosses his mind. And the fact of the matter is he's been over here since last evening, and apart from a handful of dick jokes, nothing even considerably _sexual_ has happened.

Either Kyle's okay with that, and actually was thinking about _him_ and not just trying to release his built up frustrations... _or he's still waiting_.

After he has found what he was looking for, he turns to face Kyle, who has gone increasingly quiet within the past few seconds. 

_Shit_.

Between the silence and the red on Kyle's face that wasn't there before and the look of _shock_ slash _horror_ slash _fear_ , Forde realizes he made a mistake.

"I-I was...I was asking if you had honey."

_"I knew that!"_

But it is very apparent that he _didn't_ know that, having to turn back into the cupboard to _get_ honey. If he knew that he would have picked it up in the _first_ place. 

Now he realizes, kind of afraid to turn back again, what he wanted to hear. He wants to hear the part where Kyle tells him he _actually_ likes him. Because the look of bewildrement on his face a moment ago was actually _adorable_. And when he's not blushing like he was, then he's really _handsome.._. and when he's neither of those things he's really _hot._

And he's actually fun to be around, in an odd sort of way. Forde's enjoying these weird and tense encounters, because he's having some form of fun from watching Kyle give him so much _reaction._

But _oh my God_ he just ruined it all by thinking Kyle called him _honey._

Maybe _he's_ the one with a grade-school level crush...

_Just play it off._ He's done so before. He's good at playing off awkward atmospheres. So what is it about Kyle that's giving him so much difficulty now? Why can't he at least _try_ and tell him he was joking? 

Forde hums lowly in his throat as the air thickens even more when Kyle doesn't even _laugh;_ he's still quiet. His fingernails digging into his crossed arms as he stares at the floor. 

He is actually... very. _.. very_ cute.

"Here, I uh, don't know how much you want." 

Forde extends the peanut butter and its guilty counterpart in front of him, hoping Kyle would take it briskly so he could just keep himself busy and take out the toast. Or go get another chair because he only HAS one set out at his poor excuse for a dining table.

Kyle, _doesn't do that._ Kyle instead continues to watch the floor for half a second longer than necessary. And when he _does_ go to take them, his gaze only ever reaches the items in Forde's hands; avoiding eye contact at all costs.

Can Forde even say this is the same man from a week ago who ordered demands until he got what he wanted? The same man who was, admittedly, not very keen on keeping his rather _rude_ thoughts to himself? The same man who marched on up to his apartment without warning as if he owned the place?

Just what is his _deal_ , really?

Or is it _himself_ that is the problem here? Come to think of it, Kyle _was_ those things before, but he was _also_ foolish and bad at hiding his emotions and distantly secluded _then,_ too.

_Kyle is the whole package_. He hasn't been around too long, but Forde can see that there is a lot more to him than that exterior he isn't very good at maintaining. And unwrapping a thing like _that_ could be a lot of fun...

So he wastes no time in grabbing that second chair from the other room, even if only a minute or two ago he was dead-set on avoiding talking to or even _looking_ at Kyle for too long.

The butterflies that occasionally resurface in his stomach that have recently become common, have become difficult to ignore. But now he sees he's not _supposed_ to ignore them; they're probably gonna stick around for awhile longer. What he really needs to do is just accept them; so he swallows the discomfort they cause and instead searches to see if he can get anything out of the guy who he now knows he _definitely_ has a grade-school level crush on.

"Why are you still standing?"

Forde asks after Kyle leans over the paper plate he has been issued. His breakfast _is_ dry. While there isn't much peanut butter on it, there isn't much _honey_ either. Why is he so afraid to be generous with his helpings when Forde is being generous enough to share it with him?

If you're going to ask for honey and make it weird for the both of them, at LEAST don't hold back in eating it.

"Uh... okay." 

Kyle sits on the hard and uncomfortable folding chair Forde had brought out and intended for himself.

"I think you're trying to be polite..." _Whatever,_ he can sit in the chair that betters one's posture. No complaints there. "But you're coming off as sorta rude."

_"What!?"_ Kyle blurts out, mid-chewing. Half-way through realizing that talking with your mouth full _is_ actually considered rude; so he brings his hand in front of himself and covers his face.

"Pfft. _I'm just kidding._ " Forde can't help but laugh. His table, really only big enough for one person, has them cramped at elbow's length. Teasing him further, (Because he has to make _some_ sort of move if he ever wants to figure out Kyle's ulterior motives. Or if he even _has_ any in the first place.) Forde hits his knee against Kyle's thigh. "But you can't _honestly_ tell me you put enough honey on that to make it taste like anything other than the dry and cracked sands of the Sahara."

"..."

"Do you want more?"

"...Is that okay?"

"God, _yes_ , dumbass. That's what I meant. You're so dense it's _rude."_

"Well I don't know! For all I know you could start mashing yourself into a puree and spread your remains onto my breakfast, _honey_." 

Kyle says the last word with _so_ much _sarcasm._

Wow. 

_He's still thinking about that?_

Forde scoffs, really starting to regret that little mishap on his end. "If you want me to, I could."

"No, no. _You're_ not _sweet_ enough." He grins, pleased with himself as he licks his lips.

What happened to bashful Kyle? _He was so cute._ Well, so is jerk-off Kyle. Just in a _different_ way.

"Were you thinking of that the whole time? Did you stage putting so little on your bread so I would say something?"

"Partially."

"Wow. _Jeez._ What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

"I'm starting to wonder that myself."

"Is that a bread pun?"

"...I mean, yes. But it was the _yeast_ of my intentions."

Laughing at how utterly stupid they are, Forde's amusement subsides when he remembers he still can't exactly figure out what Kyle wants from him. He has to ask.

"...Kyle."

It takes a second or two for him to respond, perhaps because his name on Forde's tongue still sounds kind of foreign. But when he does register it, he understands that it's serious enough, because this time he has it in him to maintain eye contact.

"Yeah?"

"When you said you liked me... what did you mean?"

Kyle then clears his throat, likely due to the desert sand he was eating.

"I-I uh... well I... I _like_ you..."

"Yes but... in what _way?_ I mean-"

"Did I not ask yesterday what we were? You never _gave_ me a solid answer!"

"Huh?"

"I asked you what we were, _you know_ , together? _The two of us?_ And you never really said what you thought, so I just dropped it."

"So... you do like me? Like... _that?"_

"Who where you calling dense a moment ago? I've never felt anything beyond physical attraction before, and even _I_ can tell I like you!"

Wait, he's never _what_?

No wonder he's so emotionally clueless. Oh my God, he's _adorable._

Kyle's face goes red once more, probably regretting just admitting that. 

"Well, if you like me... then were you asking if I wanted to date?"

"What else would I have meant by asking what we were!?"

"If you really need to know, _I_ didn't know. Because like you, I'm not exactly familiar with this... whole... thing about _liking_ someone and having them _like you back."_

"Oh... w-well... sorry, then. I'm... ugh..."

"Hey, are you thirsty?"

Kyle looks up from the table, relief casting over his face when he doesn't have to talk about how bad he is at addressing feelings. " _Fuck yes_." Forde hears how thankful he is to have the subject changed.

Seems he has given up on the prude-for-food act he had going before.

"Okay. _What the fuck do you want?_ " He asks, tenderly and lovingly.

The content on his face and the excitement from not having to talk anymore turn into him laughing at Forde making fun of his unnecessary use of the word _'Fuck'_ . 

"Well, What the fuck do you have?"

"I got orange fucking juice. Iced fucking tea. _Hot_ fucking tea-"

"Do you have fucking water?"

"Indeed I do."

Kyle is the perfect mix of idiot and composure. And Forde is really starting to like Kyle a lot.

"Do you have any iced fucking cubes?"

"It's not funny anymore! It's old now! Stop!" But Forde's still laughing.

"Fuckin' _sorry,_ man!"

"I can't believe I _like_ you!"

"I can't believe you do _either!"_

_"Hush!_ You can't say that about yourself."

"But _you_ can?"

"Yep." An ice water is placed before Kyle.

"And uh," After he sits back down, he doesn't feel like keeping within his own personal space. While he has the more preferable chair, his body is still heavy from over-working it recently. So he stretches out with leisure, maybe even purposefully using it as a silent excuse to tangle their legs together once more. "You have your phone with you, right?"

Kyle makes a face as he swallows a large portion of the glass' contents. "Not having my phone was a _one-time thing_! Stop bringing that up!"

"Okay, okay!" Forde makes a grabby-hand gesture. _"Gimmie."_

"Wh-what?"

"Do you not want my number?"

"Oh. Yeah. _Oh!_ I don't have it, that's right." Kyle puts down the cup as he digs through the buttoned-up breast pockets on his bomber jacket.

Did he sleep in that? And if he did, how is Forde only realizing it _now?_

_Whatever,_ Forde is still wearing a starched-up button-down. _He's_ not one to talk.

He unlocks it, brings it to the contacts page, and hands it Forde's way.

"Is that _excitement_ on your face?"

"N-no!"

"Hehe.... _you're cute."_

Kyle groans in disagreement, furthering his cuteness status and widening the grin on Forde's face. 

After he's input his cell phone contact, he hands it back. And Kyle squints at it like something is wrong.

"There's an _'e'_ at the end of your name?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Hmm... I didn't think that's how it was spelled."

_"Sheesh,_ you think you _like_ me, but you don't even know how to spell my _name?"_

"How would I know! Up until yesterday I thought you didn't even _know_ mine!"

"Your _sister_ knows, I'm sure."

Kyle frowns, and Forde remembers just how much of the envious type Kyle seems to be. Kyle would take that the wrong way. Since he can't take the set of words back, he'll have to fix them with more.

"But... unlike _you..._ there's a lot of things she _doesn't_ know. A lot of things you _already_ know... and a lot you _will know soon enough_."

Yes, blushing again! Not explicitly _frowning._ Good. 

"I... I guess that's okay."

"What do you mean?"

"If I had read your name before hearing it, I might want to call you Ford-ay. The _'e'_ is kind of unnecessary."

"Is _your_ name spelled K-Y-L?"

"...Uh, _no."_

"Then why is it unnecessary?!"

"It was a joke. _Just forget it."_

"OH. Sorry for not _laughing._ But uh, don't get in the habit of calling me Ford-ay."

"...Don't call me cute."

"Stop _being_ cute, and then I'll reconsider."

"Ugh...This is _your_ number, right?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your number? Not someone else's?"

"No, _it's the number for the pizza place down the street._ Of course it's mine! _You piece of shit,_ what do you take me for?"

"Well- _I-!"_ Kyle grumbles as the grip on his phone tightens. "If I were you, I probably wouldn't want anything to do with someone like me."

"Well, I'm not _you._ Don't believe me? Send me something, and I should get it."

Again, Kyle grumbles. But he listens, taking a moment to decide what exactly it is he should say. Eventually, he just shrugs and sends him a text. 

Forde's phone vibrates in another room. 

"Hmm, _who could that be_?" Forde gets up from his spot again, the condensed space proving too much for him this time, and he nearly trips over the legs of the table and the legs of Kyle alike. _"Shit!"_

"Careful-" 

Forde wasn't _actually_ going to fall; he had enough space to relocate his footing. At least from the point where his chair clattered to the ground and he could brace his fall by grabbing onto the face of the table; up until then he _wasn't going to fall_.

But not when Kyle abruptly reaches out and grabs him by the wrist.

And he _hasn't_ fallen, but he has definetly lost some sort of _mental_ footing. Kyle's hand, which he can feel through the thick fabric of his own shirt, is cold like the glass that he gave him. 

The glass however, _has_ fallen in the commotion. It hasn't shattered into pieces, and it was nearly empty so there isn't a big mess to clean up; but it does have a splitting crack that wasn't there earlier.

"Eh-?" Is it the glass falling or his grip still so tight around Forde's wrist that causes Kyle to tense up? 

Both, maybe. Because it's then that Kyle let's go, embarrassed in holding on too long.

And it's then that Forde realizes he was relying on Kyle's supportive strength a lot more than he thought, because he follows the broken dish and finally falls himself. 

Not on his face or hands, but he still stumbles back.

"Actually don't even... don't even go through the trouble. I believe you. But..." As Kyle is looking back and forth between Forde and the cracked glass, trying to figure out which one he should help up first; Forde picks up both in waiting. "But... maybe you _shouldn't_ have given your number to me."

"No... it's fine." Forde, rubbing his lower back where he had fallen on, walks over to the trash and tosses the now useless glass. "I just wish I gave you something else with it: a _paper_ cup."

"I'll... get you a new one?"

"No need."

"Where are you going now?"

"I told you, I'm getting my phone."

"I said I believed you."

"Yeah, but..." He shouts a room over. Where exactly did he put it again? "If I don't confirm it's _you_ now, I might forget and block it as spam later. Because I'm willing to bet you type like a robot."

"You don't even know what it says yet?!"

"That's what I'm trying to _find out!_ Could you call it, by the way? I can't find it."

"I guess..."

And it rings, on the couch. That's right... it was what woke Kyle up. How did he misplace it already?

_"Y-ello?_ Forde speaking."

"I'm right _here,_ why didn't you just decline it?"

"What, you've never talked to someone on the phone before in the same room?" When he makes his way back into the kitchen, Kyle has his phone to his ear _regardless_ of what he said about it.

"I _have,_ but it's stupid."

" _You're no fun_." Actually, it's the no fun-ness about Kyle that Forde seems to be having the _most_ fun with. 

Forde hangs up first, going to finally see what Kyle's first text would be.

He anticipates a ' _Hello'_ or _'_ _This is Kyle.'_ Or anything equally as boring for a first text to confirm it's who you want to speak to.

Instead, it is the honey jar emoji.

This guy finds _one_ thing he can hold against him, insignificant as it may seem, and will do _just that_ , won't he?

"What did you send me? I can see it's an emoji, but which one? I haven't updated my phone in a while." Maybe if he plays dumb.

"What? _R-really?"_

"Yeah? What'd you send me?"

"...Nevermind that. We both know we have the right numbers so-"

"Just tell me. If you sent it over text while I'm _right here,_ why can't you say it to my face?"

"...Well... it.. it was the uh, honey emoji."

And as he expected, Kyle didn't want to say this straight out. He's fidgety again.

"I know." Forde turns his phone so Kyle can see that he was lying. " _I lied_ , I actually got it. But I just wanted to see if you have the balls you seem to think you do. And you _don't_ , judging by your hesitance to say it with words."

"..."

"I mean I know you have _balls_ , I've seen 'em. But that's not the kind I'm talking ab-"

_"Enough."_

"Ahaha! And you _want me to stop calling you cute?_ " Right, he should probably add Kyle into his phone.

"S-stop with the flirty act... You and I have already... _you know..._ so being all flirty _now_ is..."

"Is what?"

"That part is over..."

"No it's not? It's just out of sequence."

"O... _kay."_

"Well... if you don't like it I suggest you leave. Because there's a _lot_ more where It comes from."

"No... it's not that I don't _like_ it. I just don't like it when people flirt without _meaning._ I at least never _... used_ to like it when people flirted with me, I guess. So I don't know how to act..."

Oh my God he really _is_ cute.

"Well uh, it's nice to hear you _think_ you like it, but truth be told I think I need to stop now. I don't want to say this, but... I'm kind of busy this weekend. And I know you are _notorious_ for distracting me..." 

"Oh- okay, _sorry-"_

"Stop saying sorry!"

"...Sor- _I mean-_ I'll be leaving then, I guess."

"I didn't mean IMMEDIATELY, I meant in like an hour or so!"

"No, _it's fine_!" Kyle scrambles to get up-

Forde feels... very much like a jerk. To think he was so happy to see Kyle still here right when he woke up, but now he's forcing him out already because he himself is a little scared; and mostly still needs a lot more rest to catch up with his lack of sleep.

"Okay, you can go. But uh... When are you... what days are you usually free?"

"...Uh. Everyday..."

"Everyday?" 

"Y-yeah... I'm kind of... inbetween a lot right now. Well... a lot of _nothing..._ but..."

"That's fine with me. That means I can... see you again soon?"

Oh come _on,_ was that _really_ enough to warrant Kyle blushing again? Looks like it... but Forde wasn't _trying_ for that to happen this time.

"Uh- yeah. When are you...?"

"How does... Tuesday sound?"

_"Tuesday?_ That soon? I- _yeah,_ that's-"

_"Is that too soon?"_

"No! I just didn't think you'd..." Kyle shakes his head, losing his train of thought. "I'll uh... I'll call you and we'll work something out? Or I can text you if that's better..."

"Yeah, either is fine..."

"I'll uh... I'll see you, then..."

Kyle's hand is on the door knob, just like it was every other time he left. The difference now is it doesn't fill Forde with that lonely uncertainty he got the past two times. This time, he knows he will not only _leave_ again, but _come back_ all the same.

But before he turns it to head out, he says something that catches Forde off gaurd.

"Could I... would it be okay if I kissed you... like, _goodbye_ or whatever?"

"...Are you seriously _asking?_ Like you didn't _just_ kiss me yesterday?"

"I _know..._ and I know that's why it's weird of me to ask, _but-"_

Forde closes their distance, the miles once before them into yards. Yards into feet. Feet into inches. Inches into _his lips are on Kyle's again_. But he doesn't linger. He keeps it short and sweet; as if to prove a point to him for saying he _wasn't_ sweet earlier.

"I'll see you next week, Kyle." 

Forde takes the time to caress his cheek and pat the side of his face as if to reassure him that he _does in fact_ like him.

And Kyle nods, clearing his throat as he tries to hide the smile that's working its way on his face. "...Next week, then." And with that, he is gone.

The pacing of all this _is_ weird, Forde can't deny that. He never thought, when he would actually start any sort of _'relationship',_ that they could start hot and heavy but also too shy to just _kiss_ one another.

Maybe they are on different pages?

But it _is_ the same book, so maybe that's okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FordeKyle but they are only as stupid as the person writing them.

For the first time in his life, Kyle finds himself bored to death with nothing to do.

He's always been able to find _something_ to pass the time; read a book, watch low-budget movies because they are so bad they're good. Go for a jog to keep his mind clear and body at least _sort_ of fit.

Out of all his boring pastimes, the only one he _wants_ to do is get some fresh air. But it's that weird time of year late January; where the sun is too close but on any normal calendar in this small-scale city it _is_ still technically winter. If he went out now he'd freeze his ass off from the wind-chill, but by noon he'd be passed out on a park bench from heat stroke. 

The weather's inability to make up it's mind is frustrating, but _he_ hasn't exactly been consistent either. Just when he thinks he can go back to the life he knew not so long ago-- quiet and only doing the minimal of what he actually needed to get by; he finds that those things aren't enough any longer. Making breakfast is boring, even if he puts more effort into it than usual. Chores, which he at one point _liked_ , feel lacking and no longer gives him the satisfaction of getting stuff done. It's once again Saturday, so why is he dreading the idea of having to do what he _scheduled_ and _decided_ for himself? Saturdays are when he gets his wash done; Saturdays have _always_ been this day. Going alone this time should be the same as it has been for the past three years of his life.

But it's not, there is something-- some _one_ missing. 

Like his new-found inability to sleep at night. That first night alone he didn't sleep at all; the second night, very _little._ And the third and fourth he felt like he was _finally_ getting back into the pattern and the next night he would clock out the second he would lay down.

And he did-- but he _wasn't alone_ that night. And that small relapse was enough to reset the counter, and it shows him that sleeping on the futon alone in his own apartment isn't the easiest thing to do anymore. The security of someone being right next to you through the night is an unmatchable feeling Kyle never knew he needed. Even if among those nights, most were spent not even _touching_ one another.

And maybe now he sees just how _boring_ these past few years living alone have been. 

It's not that there is nothing to do-- it's that there is nothing he _wants_ to do. He could virtually do anything; there's nothing he is exactly terrible _at_. 

But he doesn't _excel_ at anything, either. Maybe he needs a hobby? If he tries to look at himself, there's nothing about him that is interesting. Kyle knows he is as boring and mundane as they come. 

So what the hell is it that Forde so much as _'likes'?_

Or does he? Come to think of it, Kyle was quick to forget about unspoken text etiquette and rules; he ended up texting Forde last night. He never got a response... maybe Forde _had_ blocked him. 

_He's busy._

Or maybe he only gave him his number to shut him up and get him on his way? Forde even joked about blocking him, but Kyle never even _considered_ he might actually _do_ it.

_Then why'd he kiss me like that?_

It was so affectionate, so _sweet_... the weight of Forde's callused fingers he can still feel on his cheekbone. The softness in his gaze right before he was out the door left Kyle intoxicated. And by now he _does know how to get home_ , he knows how to get _anywhere_ he would need to go from there. But he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss a turn down a street or two because he wasn't focused.

_You wouldn't kiss someone you were trying to get rid of like that, would you?_

Kyle really doesn't know. Kyle has never felt anyone kiss him like that. _Kyle_ has never kissed anyone like _that_.

That kiss was too short. The drive from there to where he lives, somehow too long. The amount of time spent in Forde's presence is _also_ too short. The amount of time between when Forde read his first text and maybe even the second, and _still_ hasn't sent him anything in return; is also _too long._

_Just how old is he?_

So what if Forde just doesn't like him like that? He's a grown man; he should be able to move on from something that never should have happened in the first place.

_It's not the end of the world if-_

His phone buzzes. Kyle never finishes his thought; instead he sits up with abrupt speed juggling his phone into his hand and dropping it in trying to check what Forde has to finally say.

It's not Forde, but a stupid SMS coupon for a restaurant he ordered food at ONCE to save a dollar or two.

He's always thought unsubscribing from the service was too much work; so he just ignored them and never opened the texts.

Today, he finally sends the quick text back to the number in order to terminate it.

Kyle runs his hands through his hair, tugging at the roots, judging himself for the desperate display he just showcased; even if no one was there to see it but him.

_How was Kyle supposed to know he's the clingy type?_

Frustrated, he decides his laundry can wait until tomorrow. Anything to lessen the thoughts of Forde's snark or smile or skin-on-his. Anything to crush the thoughts of his _crush_ from the confines of his _thought_ -process _._

But even if he avoids visiting that old rendevouz point, he will still spend the rest of the day thinking about Forde.

* * *

_It really got cold_ , Forde thinks. Colder than he's used to. 

But then again, he's not _used_ to sleeping on the hardwood floor. Of _course_ it would be cold down there.

He hadn't meant to take his nap (which ended up being much longer than a _'nap')_ on the couch, but he was so sleep-lagged he went out like a light the second he finished up with errands he completed after Kyle left yesterday. And he had no intention of falling _off_ that couch in the middle of his sleep, either.

How is he only waking up _now_? It's not like him rolling onto the floor jolted him awake-- he woke up naturally and slowly. How can he fall onto the hard floor and sleep through it?

He seems to be falling a lot lately. Falling asleep in places he shouldn't. Falling onto his kitchen floor. Falling off the couch. Falling in lo-

He laughs, nervously and hesitant. A word like that, falling into place in his head _already?_

A word like that is either in place, or it's _out of line._

But the scary part is he _doesn't feel wrong about thinking it._

It's about 8 in the morning, so he figures he slept about 15 hours straight. That's fine, as long as he doesn't pass out again so early tonight. If that happens he might get into a bad habit of going to bed at 5 pm and waking up at 2 am.

He doesn't need to be awake that early, _8_ is too early in its _own_ right.

Feeling too disgusting to get up; as one may feel when they have had too little sleep or too much sleep (in his case, a bit of both), he remains on the floor for the time being. Reaching for his phone to practice a bad habit of checking social media right when he rises. Maybe it's not considered _'healthy'_ by scientists or whatever, but at the same time he knows he would just fall back asleep then and there if he doesn't use his phone. So it's kind of a double-edged sword.

And he is surprised to find that Kyle has texted him so soon.

That sick and groggy feeling vanishes in an instant, and he sits up to give a reply. In doing so, he hits his elbow off the bottom of the couch. 

" _Ow_!" Why's it called a funny bone? Nothing funny about feeling your entire arm go numb. 

He tries to shake off the sensation, while reading the message with his other hand. Kyle has texted him, yes; but only _once_. Ah, impatient enough to text him only a few hours from when they last saw each other, a few hours after Forde had fallen asleep. But not desperate enough to double-text.

_Interesting guy_ , Forde thinks. 

The substance to it is about as boring as Forde had initially thought his texting style would be. Perfect punctuation and grammar and spelling. Yet he uses emojis. One of _those_ people. _A Normie_.

'

**Sorry about your glass earlier. I didn't exactly apologize properly.**

**its fine. just means whenever u r over now, your beverage rights are revoked**

**:)**

'

All he has to say is an apology for something Forde doesn't even _care_ about _himself?_ How completely boring. It's not like Forde lives with anyone. Realistically he only _needs_ one or two glasses and to wash them as he goes. A casualty is fine. As long as he lives alone he doesn't need too many dishes.

He should get up; come to think of it. Eat something. Move around. When he went to the store yesterday he forgot milk. _Ugh._ He should go out...

His work sits in the back of his head; knowing it's not a terrible idea to do something with it here and there, instead of doing huge portions in one sitting. 

He tends to neglect his body when he does that. And mistakes and errors in a piece are harder to see the longer you stare at it. No, _what he needs is a break._

These are excuses. 

Forde knows this. For the truth is really just that working on it now is weird. Now that it _means_ something to him; not just who he's painting it for. The desire for it to look its best is now slapping him in the face everytime he thinks about any detail.

He has time. It's not like he _doesn't have time._ His client-- No-- his _potential-boyfriend's sister_ (That's a mouthful...) has only said she wanted it a month or so before the actual wedding date. Which isn't for a few months; _isn't until late May_.

_He has time,_ but he also has enough on his mind apart from it that could easily let him lose track of this time he thinks he has _so much_ of.

Which he is losing track of by the second, because Kyle has _already_ responded. 

So he's too afraid to double text, but can reply within _minutes?_ He's not doing a very good job in trying to hide the fact that he wants to talk with him again, but maybe he's not _trying_ to keep it a secret. He _did_ show up at his door the other day without warning, after all.

'

**What if I BYOB?**

'

Forde realizes he is smiling at his phone and the fact that Kyle didn't even address the part Forde had thought he would. ' _Whenever you are over'_ pretty much declares he _will_ be over more. And Kyle not questioning that... is exciting.

'

 **lol,** **looks like youll have to wait and see**

**Am I bothering you, by the way?**

**no? did i say something that would make you think that**

**No, you didn't. I just thought you said you were busy. You're just replying now faster than I would have expected.**

**well i didnt reply earlier bc i waz Sleep**

'

Busy. Forde thinks about _his_ idea of what _busy_ is. And he didn't think before he typed that out. It really is going to sound like he didn't want Kyle here.

And that is not the case. He wants him here. Wants to just have stupid conversation that leads to no where. But a part of him is still so scared of the rest; the fear-inducing feelings and thoughts he's never wanted to force on anyone else. So he finds himself pushing him away, but failing in doing so by texting him in the end.

'

**Well, I'm sorry for getting in your way. You can go back to sleep.**

**'**

He's sorry _again_? Ah, stop that!

'

**dont wanna. rn i wanna talk to u**

'

Kyle doesn't say anything back after this one. ten minutes pass-- still nothing. Then 15. 

'

 **?r** **u ignoring me**

**No...**

'

Wow, but he answers _now?_

'

**?okaaaay. whatever u say. what r u up to**

**Well.**

**I was going to get some stuff done but I honestly don't feel like it.**

**?lol. am i the one bothering u now**

**So I WAS bothering you?**

**/: .n o**

**All right**.

**but I guess** **I should probably go and eat now bc i did just wake up. ttyl ! dont fg to do the stuff u gotta bc ur** **too busy worrying abt me**

'

Why does he struggle so much when he feels like the spotlight is about to be on him? 

At this rate, he feels Kyle really _won't_ want anything to do with him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyle Fire "I take care of myself" Emblem ...not in my book you don't that's not what i see from you


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I have a lot, a LOT a lot , of headcanons for Modern Kyle and this is where I dump a bunch of them bc i am brain-dead apart from fordekyle thoughts

Forde tries to distance the relationship of his work and what some people may call _'love-life'_ from one another. He has had enough of a breather from it for a few days, surely he can work on _some_ of it now? But in the end he can't: he either starts hating something about it that he hadn't noticed before, or starts thinking about how he is likely to see this thing awhile down the road. If _he_ doesn't think it's perfect, why should Mia? Why should Kyle?

Why should it matter what _he_ thinks? Why should it matter what _Kyle_ thinks? It's not _for_ him and it's most _definitely_ not for _Kyle!_

Businesses always say don't date co-workers or customers, and he's _technically_ not doing either of those things. And he certainly can't call himself a _business._ Even so, he's starting to understand why they say that. 

Tuesday is already _tomorrow_. It feels like he was waiting forever for this, but at the same time how is it already Tuesday _again_? And neither of them had said anything about what they should even do. Is this his move to contact him first? Has Kyle forgotten? Is he actually just _sick_ of him?

He sighs, putting down an overly-sharpened watercolor pencil he was using as a warm-up. Well, he _calls_ it a warm-up, but he doubts he will actually get to working on his main priority today even _after_ he's finished sketching on personal projects and mental pauses. If anything, it's more of a cool- _down_. 

Lifting himself up and heading over to lean against the ledge of his window pane that outlooks the skyline; Forde brings out his phone as he draws up the blinds.

It looks nice out. Breezy and warm. Nothing like the fog and muddle he feels in his head when he presses the call button and slowly brings the dull ring to his ear.

No answer. Part of it is a relief; while he _is_ very much attracted to Kyle, he is also terrified of any confusions that could happen due to their strange relationship. The second part is he is just _so_ attracted to Kyle that him not picking up is still a pretty big let-down. They say people are attracted to fear; so maybe that's why he would in the end rather just have had Kyle answer and see what could happen anyways.

Sighing once more, he leaves the curtains pulled back. Even if the sun will blind him at that certain hour everyday; the one where it hits directly through the small spaces between buildings. He has cooped himself up in semi-darkness for too long that he would be willing to withstand the overt saturation.

Back to the literal drawing board, it seems. And he sits himself down to get back to work when his phone rings and startles him so much he jumps; spilling over a small dish of paint water. 

"You have _got_ to be fucking kidding me..." Before picking up the receiver, he picks up the bowl. He half expects it to be cracked, or at _least_ chipped. But it seems to have survived the fall; the only thing to deal with now is a bit of water dispersing itself through the pores of the wooded floor.

It's... _Kyle._ Forde answers. "Hey-" He probably sounds scrambled as he looks for a towel to wipe this up with. _He_ called Kyle first. He shouldn't be the one who sounds like he is unable to talk right now.

"Sorry for not answering initially, my phone was charging in the other room."

"That's okay..."

"But are _you_ okay? You sound like you're in a hurry?"

"No-- I just...I'm trying to clean up something I spilled." 

_You sound like an idiot, Forde..._

"Uh-- OK?"

"Nevermind that. I called because... you know... tomorrow is... If you still want... _but only if you still want to_ -"

"I do."

"Really?!"

"Yeah? W-why wouldn't I...?"

"I-I uhm.... _I don't know_. I'm dumb. I was gonna ask what you wanted to do... if you still _wanted_ to, that is..."

"I just _said_ that I did! But I don't care, whatever you want... would probably be fine."

Forde has dried up the worst of it, and doesn't feel like it was enough to cause any rot damage. "...When you think about it... it will actually be our... _first date._ So I don't want you to go or do something you wouldn't enjoy."

Forde feels himself choke on the reality of his own words. _He sure knows how to humiliate himself_.

"Yeah... but it doesn't really _feel_ that way, oddly enough. And as long as... well... _as long as you're there it should be enjoyable enough."_

That last part, Kyle blurts out so quickly Forde wonders if he misheard it through the crackly phone reception and the speed of his words.

"I actually thought that too a bit. But I also get the idea that tomorrow... well _tomorrow_ it probably _will_ feel like... a first date."

He knows that it will, judging by the nerves causing him to shake from just a simple phone call.

"Maybe you're right..."

"So uh-..."

"Want to just... I don't know, man... Would you want to just walk around town and maybe figure something out as we go?"

"Uh, yes. Yes, actually. I would like that a lot." Because that is _exactly_ what Forde wanted and what he needed in order to get away from cramping himself up inside all day. He just hopes he doesn't sound _too_ dead-pan and robotic in his attempts to not sound over- _joyed_.

"Okay... when and... what time? And I mean... where should I meet you?"

"Uh... Do you know the fountain in the middle of the crossroad a block-or-so from where I live?"

Forde feels like he has mentioned this before. Has he? 

And it hits him that he _has-_ \- He's even _sketched_ a little mark of it on the over-head view of a map he drew for Kyle. The difference now is that he's trying to find him again-- not send him away.

Forde feels his face go hot. _Of course Kyle knows!_ He's already _told_ him about it! It just felt like it was such a long time ago.

"Yeah?"

"Is-- is that okay?" Now Forde's the one talking too fast. "I mean I don't know where you live so maybe it's too far-"

" _It's not_! That's not that far from the bar where we-- I mean-- Um... I... _Ugh._ Just... _what time?"_

Looks like Kyle _hasn't_ forgotten, but he shares the same reluctance in bringing it up again that Forde does. Maybe they are on a closer wave-length than previously thought.

"How about...1 o' clock?"

 _"1..._ yeah, sure... I'll uh... _see you then_?"

"Yeah, I uh, think the weather is supposed to be about the same as it's been today."

"Cool... I... I'm looking forward to it."

 _Oh my God._ Forde needs to hang up _now._ He needs to hang up now or he's going to lose composure and _really_ make a fool of himself.

_Kyle is looking forward to it._

"See you! _Bye!"_

He really slammed that end call button, perhaps _too_ quickly. Maybe it was kind of a _rude_ thing to do. But the fog in his head has cleared a significant amount.

* * *

_He's late._

Or, maybe Kyle is just _early._

Or _both,_ a look at the time tells him.

He ended up arriving about ten minutes prior. And the six and counting after that, where Forde hasn't shown up; adds onto the omminent worry that he just may be stood up. 

_That doesn't even make sense_ , he tries to rationalize with himself. Why would Forde have went _out_ of his _way_ to call him if he just planned on doing _that?_ Forde has Kyle's number, Kyle knows where Forde lives, _Forde knows Kyle's name._

Maybe _once_ upon a time Kyle could have said that there was no way of seeing him again. However, _that_ is no longer the case.

The roar of water behind him in the fountain they agreed on blocks out the sound of anything else around him. It's suffocating, it feels so quiet but all around him people are going on about their lives.

"Uh, did I keep you waiting too long...?" 

The trance of being alone in such a noisy place is lost then, and his eyes follow where the sound came from; on his right-hand side. He didn't really need to look in order to see who it was. The distinct voice is one he is rapidly getting used to.

"No, you're not that late." _Kyle was just too early._

"Ah, but I _am_ still _late_. It looked like you were someplace else... Say, Earth to Kyle, Earth To Kyle? Can you read me?"

"...Only sorta."

" _Oh no_! Is there interference? You need to get out of there now! _Quick!_ There's an opening on your right! This way!"

Sharply and surprisingly, Kyle feels the grip of Forde's hand pull him from off the side of the fountain. 

"Hey-!"

" _You're_ _safe now._ "

What? _What is wrong with him_? Why is he wrapping his arms around him and whispering stuff like that into his ear?

His breath is warm; unlike the water mist of the fountain, unlike the coolness in the air.

"You're an idiot..."

"Takes one to know one. _You_ played along first."

"Your _games_ are about as stupid as you."

"If you're upset about waiting... _I'm sorry_." Forde pulls himself off of him then, and maybe Kyle was hoping for something he shouldn't have. Because he _thought_ he was going to keep holding his hand a little while longer than just the time it took him to pick him up.

 _He guessed wrong_.

"I'm not upset."

"Okay, _whatever you say_. So uh... what do you want to do?" Forde slips his hands into his jacket pockets. Farewell, hand-holding that Kyle didn't even realize he wanted.

"Uh... What do _you_ want to do?"

"Whatever you want."

"There's nothing that really comes to mind..."

"Ahh... okay. Nothing? _You don't want to do anything_? So then, _why are we even here_?"

Forde bounces slightly on his toes; crooked smile on his face. Is he mocking him, or sincerely asking?

"I never said I didn't want to _be_ here. Just that I don't know what it is that I want to _do."_

"That's my point. Why come out here if you don't even have an _idea_?"

"Because I want to be with you! And _that's_ already happening... so I don't really know what else there is..."

Forde halts his barely noticable jumping, but the sound of the flats of his shoes clapping against concrete alarms Kyle into jumping in Forde's place.

"I mean... that's what I wanted to hear, but.. I didn't think you'd..." Forde looks shocked. " _Now that you actually said-"_

Forde takes a hand from his pockets again. Access is easier... Kyle could reach out himself and--

"I'm just messing with you." Forde continues, and stretches his arm out before him...

Wait, is _he_ going to initiate holding _his_ hand instead?

No, _he's not_. What he actually does is playfully push Kyle's shoulder. "C'mon. Let's go." And turns around, walking on ahead with his hand being put back into his pocket.

"Wh-where are we going?"

"I dunno." The slow turn back while he waits for Kyle to catch up... His skin is so pale against the gray overcast sky. His hair is pulled back just enough so it falls over the side of his shoulder. The softness in his eyes don't match how much of a smart-ass he can prove to be at times. " _Wherever the path takes us._ "

He is so _beautiful._

Kyle knows physical attraction played the main role in why he is standing here right now. It might not be his _proudest_ moment, but because of the way Forde looked that night-- _that's_ what he has to thank for getting this far.

He is _so_ beautiful.

Physically, yes. But... there's _something else_ there that Kyle isn't able to put his finger on yet. It's almost like that physical beauty shows him who he is on the inside, too. The way he smiles, the way he laughs, and the way his wistful eyes look back at him in contentment.

How did Kyle ever end up _enamoured_ by this guy?

Well, maybe, if he thinks hard enough, _he was from the start._

How is he showing him so much; about himself; about the world? Why hasn't he been able to see the real beauty in everything up until meeting him? The release of worry after pent-up distress is dealt with somehow makes the struggle bearable, somehow makes it worth it, _somehow makes it beautiful._

"Hey, did you board another ship?" Forde has turned back completely after Kyle was staring too long, and now he bends over slightly with his head tilted to the side in confusion.

Kyle can't speak. How could he let this happen? _Just what_ is _he feeling exactly?_ There's no way it's really love _already_? 

Forde snaps a finger in front of Kyle's blank expression. "Do you hear me? Are you listening?" And it works: Kyle has now snapped back to reality.

Because now Forde's hand is in front of him; it's there for the taking. And he's passed up the opportunity too many times already. A little bit of love-struck fear hasn't stopped him from getting closer to Forde before; it's only ever so much as slowed him down. But that didn't matter either. Because sometimes there is no rush to get where you need to be.

He will use the word _'love',_ for the time being. If only in his head and no where else. He is aware that it is best _describing_ of what he feels, even if it's not accurate _completely_.

In the middle of what Kyle assumes was likely going to be Forde's final snap, he goes for it; long overdue as it may be, and wraps his fingers around Forde's hand.

And Forde

he _squeaks_.

" _Let's go."_ Kyle tells him, as he finds more and more things about Forde _intriguing._

* * *

  
"Not to be rude, but _how_ can you drink _matcha?"_

Why and how they ended up at a chain coffee shop instead of anywhere _else_ on their first date doesn't really matter. Forde just can't understand why anyone would get anything other than _coffee_ at a coffee _shop._

"What?"

"It's gross. It tastes like grass."

"...A little. But it's good."

Forde snorts. If he _knows_ it tastes like grass how can he still like it? 

"And the color... no _way_ that stuff is natural. If that's what it _looks_ like, I can only imagine what's in it that we don't _see_."

"Matcha powder is naturally that vibrant."

_"Really?"_

"Yes."

Well... maybe that's possible. So maybe it isn't _as_ gross as he thinks. But truth be told, he hasn't had it in a very long time. Maybe it actually _is_ good...

"You are what you eat, I guess."

"What?"

"Looks like your hair. Is that _your_ natural color?"

"...Yeah? Well, _no._ It's actually a _little_ lighter... but I dye it a few shades darker sometimes."

"Is it dyed right now?"

"No, I haven't done it in a while. But darker colors stay in longer so it probably doesn't look _quite_ as light as it is naturally... no one but me really notices it anyway."

"Then why do you dye it at all?!" 

Kyle looks uncomfortable in answering these; watching the foam on the top of his latte melt into the heat. But he hasn't told him to stop. _Not yet._

Forde wishes for a moment he knew the sciences of latte art-- if he did, he would make a tiny Kyle in his cup. But _then_ it might be _too cute to drink_.

"I... hate my hair. I gotta try and do _something_ with it, otherwise it's really ugly."

"What? _No it's no_ t! It's cute and fluffy. I don't think many people can say they have naturally green hair."

 _"Yeah,_ and it's _annoying._ It's so thick and irritating. I can't imagine how much it would get on my _nerves_ if it was as long as _yours..."_

Forde doesn't think Kyle thought his next action through, because he reaches out and strokes the back of Forde's head. He was probably trying to get an idea of what having his hair would actually _feel_ like. Yet almost immediatly, he retreats back and the red pigment finding its way onto the back of his hands and knuckles contrast the green of the drink in his cup. Maybe trying to put himself in the shoes of someone with longer and flatter hair wasn't the _only_ reason he did it, _whether Kyle realizes or not_.

Forde cannot for the life of him understand how Kyle filters out as to what actions are _embarrassing_ and which ones are _not_.

No need to comment on this. The poor guy embarrasses himself without even trying. Even if there _is_ no real _threat._

"How long have you had your ears pierced?"

"...Am I on a date with an interrogator? Have I committed a crime?"

"Haha, _no!_ I'm just wondering. How else am I gonna learn about you? I don't think you'll tell me unless I _ask."_

"' _Learn_?' All your questions have been stupid and trivial so far. But uh... _I think I was in 8th grade_?"

"Ah, rebellious phase."

"..."

"Wait, am I _right?_ I was making a _joke!"_

"I mean... you're not... _wrong_."

"You had a _rebellious_ phase?! That's _adorable_."

"It-it _really wasn't."_ Someone's not used to talking about himself so much... "I even _asked_ my parents if I could do it... some _rebel_ I was."

"That's hilarious! How'd that go? ' _Hey mom can I destroy the status quo? I'll only do it if you say yes, though_.' And your parents are like ' _Sure son whatever. Just be back by 8_.' Is that what happened?"

Kyle smiles so softly Forde barely notices it. "I don't think I worded it _quite_ like that, but pretty much."

"Is there a reason you have _two_ in the right and only _one_ in the left? Need people to know you're gay? ...Or was the _'gay ear'_ the left one...?"

 _"Shush,_ that stuff's just a stereotype! _Both_ my ears are pierced, anyway. _So it doesn't mean anything!_ "

"You got _both_ done because you were in sexuality limbo?"

"I didn't even _know_ I was gay when I got them done! I didn't figure _that_ out for another year or two!"

Kyle raises his voice by accident, but no one but Forde pays the two of them any mind. Even so, that almost _shy_ trait of Kyle's works it's way back into his stature.

"...I think my parents knew, though... pisses me off that they knew before me..."

"Never grew out of your rebellious phase, I see."

 _"Unfortunately..._ But I have a right to be! _I_ should know me the best! How could _they_ tell my disinterest in women was because I was interested in... _men_. I just thought I didn't like _anyone!"_

He looks so _upset,_ brow furrowed and frowning. Just what is it that's bothering him, though? Was it because he doesn't know himself? Because his parents didn't take it well? Or because he doesn't like the idea that he actually _likes anyone at all?_

"Did they uh... _you know.._."

"Hm?"

"...Were they upset with you?"

 _"What?_ No, not at all. _They really didn't care_. But I gotta say, coming out to your parents is weird when it's your parents telling _you_ instead of you telling _them_. All they really said was... that they wanted _me_ to be okay with it myself... and were glad that I could tell them."

"Sounds like they really care about you..."

"...Well. They _do_... _maybe too much."_

"I don't think there is a ' _too much_ ' when it comes to caring about your own child. If you don't love your children, you don't deserve to have any."

Forde hadn't meant to sound so somber, but he knows he did, judging by the downright _concerned_ look Kyle gives him then.

"Do your-"

" _Do you have any tattoos_? Did you get tattoos during the peak of your lawless behaviour?"

The question derails whatever Kyle was about to ask, and Forde is thankful it worked. He doesn't need to talk about himself. Maybe that's hardly _fair,_ considering what he's asking of Kyle; _but he's just not ready for that._

"What? You- you've... you've _seen_ my body... _I mean_ -"

"Yeah, but I didn't get a close enough look as much as I might have liked."

" _Jeez..._ No. _I don't."_

"Okay, okay... can I have a sip?"

"...You said you didn't _like_ matcha?"

"True. But it has been a very long time since I have had any. I didn't like it _then,_ ...but maybe I will _now."_

Kyle rolls his eyes and shrugs his shoulders. "Knock yourself out. But don't drink it _all_ when you decide you _like_ it."

Forde takes a sip, and he has no memory of it ever being so damn sweet in the past. Maybe he had a different kind back then. This isn't _bad--_ he could understand how someone would like it. But it is still so sweet he can _feel_ the rot in his teeth. 

"You have a sweet tooth, don't you? A pretty bad one?"

 _"I-_ No?"

"Oh, _come on!"_

_"I don't!"_

"Why are you trying to hide it? What's so _bad_ about it!?"

"Eh... it's... _childish._ And I already don't feel up-to-par with my age enough. I don't need _that_ reminding me..."

"You're acting like it's a _bad_ thing. _You_ say childish; well, _I_ say it's _stupid-cute_ from someone who tries to look so _serious."_

"I don't appreciate you calling it _cute-"_ Kyle buries his face in a palm, but it's not enough to sheild the corner of his mouth that is curving into a smile.

" _Call_ it or not, I'll still _think_ it."

"What _is_ it with you, anyway?"

"Hmm?" Forde takes another sip; not because he wants it, but because he wants to see if him drinking so much of the thing _Kyle_ payed for _himself_ falls under something he has the courage to point out.

"Ugh, _forget it..."_

"Oh... kay?"

Once more, Kyle gets silent. Like he's thinking about something too hard-- probably something that doesn't need to be worried about. He... is too _serious,_ when he _wants_ to be.

Pay more attention, Forde thinks. Not even just to _him,_ but to _anything_. 

Is he... okay? Forde scoots a little bit closer to Kyle on the stone ledge they sit on; the tables were all full. Maybe if he just... _lays his head on his shoulder..._

Surprisingly, nothing is said about it. No startled jump, no asking him if he can have his drink back. Not even an _attempt_ to hide the arm that he wraps around Forde.

"...Are you cold? The temperature really went down."

"...Not really. Are you? Do you want this back? _It's still warm yet-"_

"If you want it... _I guess you can have it."_

"Nah, I'm fine."

_"I said keep it."_

Now Kyle thinks he _wants_ it, _great_. He _doesn't_.

"Uh, do you maybe wanna come over tonight?"

"Huh?"

"Because... if you do... you won't be having anything _else_ to drink for the rest of the night. And we _did_ walk a bit... You should take this back."

"You were _serious?_ I'm not allowed to drink anything? Not even _water_?"

"I'm teaching you how to be careful."

"How can I be _careful_ when there is nothing to be cautious _about_? Sounds to me like you're babying me. Taking away _everything_ is not an effective tactic."

"Well, if you don't want me to take away your drinking rights take _this_ one back! I don't want it; _it isn't that good!"_

Forde shoves it back into Kyle's direction with a bit too much haste, and ends up spilling _just_ enough onto the front of Kyle's shirt. 

" _Be careful_? Huh? _I_ need to be careful? Look what _you_ just did!" He tugs his shirt out in front of him, nearly putting Forde in a headlock by accident in order to do so." _You_ need to be more careful, I think. If I remember correctly, you called me the other day telling me you _spilled_ something _then_!"

"Yeah, but that was _your_ fault! You calling me freaked me out!"

"I was returning _your_ call!"

"Oh, _shut up!"_ He can't stop laughing. Being around Kyle... is making him really happy. "Why don't you want it back?"

"...Because. I can't stop thinking about what you said. _I can't stop thinking about how it tastes like grass._ "

"I'm able to sway your opinion that much? A moment ago you said you liked it!"

"...I still _like_ it... but now it's just... _weird._ It's _good_ but it also tastes like I walked outside after someone mowed their lawn. And I never noticed it before so I never thought about it that way. Just... okay... maybe it's not _that_ good. You... you know what? _Shut up._ "

"...I don't... _want_ to shut up."

"If you're going to keep _making fun_ of me, I think you should try _anyway."_

"And if I don't listen? If I _keep talking?"_

"...If you keep talking..." Kyle sets the mug down on the side where Forde isn't. "Then I'll just have to do something about it."

"Liikeee _what?"_

No _way_ is he gonna _kiss_ him, not after _asking_ last time. 

_...Yes way he's gonna kiss him._

And everytime he does, it always feels different. This time; slow, like they have all the time in the world. Kyle really _does_ know how to shut him up. Forde's breath is _constantly_ being taken away.

Kyle smells like amber. Coffee grinds and damp air laced around them. The slight taste of _grass_ still in his mouth. An arm around him. All worries he had have _completely_ vanished. 

_Everything is perfect_. 

Minus the growing cold spot on the front of Kyle's shirt. _That_ makes him want to recoil back just _a bit._ But not enough to make him _actually do it._

".. _.Oh no_." Kyle mumbles. "I'm in _so_ _much_ _trouble_."

What a thing for someone to say in such a low, almost _sultry_ tone. Immediately after he has _kissed_ you, perfect as it may have seemed.

"...What?"

"I _really_ like you."

Perfect. Maybe _too_ perfect.

"Well... _I'm_ in trouble, too."

"...Thank you for giving me a good excuse to kiss you again. I've wanted to do it again _so bad_."

"You realize we're in broad daylight, _right?"_

"Exactly why I'm in trouble, _because I don't care_."

No Kyle, _you're_ not in trouble. Forde's in trouble. How long will all this last? It's hard to enjoy something when it will most likely slip from your grasp someday. 

Scared as he may feel, he _still_ can't stay away. 

"So, is that a yes?"

"To?"

"You coming over."

"Do you... _want_ me to?"

Forde wishes Kyle would just out and say _'yes'_ if that's what he wants. Forde knows he's avoiding answering because he really wants to _check_ if it's okay. Still, the hesitation sprouts doubt that maybe Kyle doesn't _really_ want to, even if everything _else_ tells him otherwise.

"Do _you_ want to...?"

"...I only want to if you want me to."

"Well... even if you don't want to come... _I'll_ _still want you to."_

"...Fuck. _Don't say that_. Oh my God, now it sounds like _I_ wouldn't want to if _you_ don't want me to, but that's not how it is. I want to no matter what. I missed you. I just don't want to bother you-"

Missed him. Jeez. He says he _missed_ him. Forde missed him too, but how can he _admit_ that when they _just_ saw each other _half_ a _week_ ago?

"I like you a lot. Please come over."

"...If you insist."

"Oh _please._ Shut up, now you're making it sound like I'm _desperate_."

"You want me to... _shut up?"_

 _"Stop."_ Forde covers Kyle's face with his hand. "If you want to do more of what I think you're suggesting, then come home with me."

"What did you mean by make it _sound_ like you're desperate? To me, it looks like you _are_."

"Says the one trying to make out with me again!"

"That last one was not _'making out'!"_ Kyle's right, though. They haven't exactly _'made out'_ since... well. Before either of them had any idea what it would actually turn into. Making out _now_? That sounds like a lot of fun.

"Do you want to make out that badly?" Kyle asks. " _So_ desperate? If you want, we could. I have no objections."

 _"I_ do, though."

_"...Oh-"_

_"Unless_ you want to do that at my apartment. _Then_ I will _glady_ oblige."

Ah, Kyle's so _cute._ Kyle's so _close._ Kyle nods.

"Then shall we go?" Forde gets up, making sure as he lifts Kyle up too, he doesn't remove his hand. To think Kyle wanted to hold his hand before... _that_ came as a shock to him.

"Hold on, my grass juice." Kyle leans back to pick it up. He chugs the rest of it, and makes a face when it's empty. " _This_ is lukewarm now, but my _shirt_ feels colder by the minute? I'll never understand the laws of science. I _do_ still like it warm, and even iced. But lukewarm... is _off-putting."_

"Just keep telling yourself you like it."

"I _do._ As long as I don't chug it like I just did. Or if it's the right temperature, with enough milk and sugar-- and cream. _And maybe some almond flav-"_

"That's so much extra stuff! How can you even _call_ it matcha anymore?"

"By using my mouth and tongue to form the word ' _matcha_ '."

"I hope _you_ think you're funny. _Because I don't."_ Actually, Kyle's _hilarious._ Maybe not in the way he wants to be, but Forde gets an absolute kick out of his charm.

Kyle tosses the emptied out cup for a can-- misses, curses, and then let's go of Forde's hand to pick it up. _Aw man_.

But he returns the gesture just as soon as he had left it.

" _Nice shot_."

"Quiet."

"Did you walk out here?"

"I _did."_

"Now when you go home you'll have to walk."

"Do you think I'm _lazy?_ I've done it before. _I can do it again."_

"You could... _but_ I'd feel bad about making you walk _again_. I could drive you home later."

 _"Woah,_ buddy. Getting ahead of yourself, don't you think? I don't live _that_ far." 

Forde feels Kyle's grip tighten around his hand a little too tightly. 

"So _you_ get to show up at my door whenever you please? But I can't even have an _idea_ of where _you_ live?"

"...You don't need to see my apartment."

"Why not? Hiding something there? Think I won't like you anymore once I see your _dangerous_ hobbies?"

"What do you think I _do?!_ "

"I don't know, _you won't tell me_. Perhaps you collect human bones?"

"I do. But _not the kind you're thinking of_."

 _"Jesus..._ Can you make jokes that _aren't_ about cock?"

"Don't _set me up_ for them. But in all honesty, I don't need you to see how much a mess my apartment is."

"It can't be much worse than mine."

"Yours isn't a _mess_."

"It has been since _you_ started coming."

They're almost there now, Forde notices. Kyle is just _so_ distracting. How could the two of them do nothing more than walk and talk, and Forde doesn't even see how close they are to arriving already? It's like the rest of the world around him stops. 

Such a _stupid_ cliche idea. But cliches are cliche for a reason.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

" _Whatever you want it to_."

Kyle has been coming and going a lot from his apartment, Forde realizes when they walk up together. He's never actively _avoided_ warm greetings to his neighbors if he passes them in the hallway, but maybe he should start. The two of them haven't been the most _considerate_ in terms of how loud they can be at times. Maybe _Kyle_ claims his _closet_ is sound-proof, but probably not the _walls_ blocking him from other units.

Forde has to let go now, and it's a little upsetting if he's being honest with himself. The surprising amount of romance Kyle seems to have up his sleeve is something Forde wants to hold onto a little while longer; but _someone's_ gotta dig his keys from his pockets.

After he has the door unlocked and they make it inside, Forde almost wants to just pounce on him then and there. _He_ was waiting to kiss him again, too.

"Can I take my shirt off?" Kyle asks before he has any _time_ to _'pounce.'_ "It's getting cold."

"Aren't you supposed to put on _more_ clothes when you're cold?"

"Not when _someone_ spills something on it."

"Fine, _jerk._ It was an _accident_. I hope it stains."

" _So do I_. Then we'll be even for the glass I broke."

" _You're stupid_. Take it off. _Go_. But I can't promise you I'll be able to control myself after you do that."

Kyle blinks, dumbfounded; then he tears his shirt off with incredible speed.

 _"Is that better_? Feeling less damp and cold?" Forde laughs.

"Yeah. But I _could_ be warmer still, yet."

"...And how do you plan to do that?"

 _"Let's see..."_ Kyle's hands are placed on Forde's hips, as he pulls him close to himself. "I think _you'll_ be able to help _just fine_."

"...Kiss me."

Kyle snorts at the bluntness, but does as he's told.

Kyle's so different, but Kyle's also the same. Maybe Forde's occasional doubts are becoming less frequent, because he's starting to really believe now that maybe, just maybe, Kyle _really_ does like him the way he _says_ he does.

Kyle takes his time just like before, but it's the small things Forde notices that says there is more to _them_ , to what they _were_ , to what they _will become._

Kyle bites his skin tenderly like the first time, but now making the conscious decision to put the _evidence_ low enough on his body so it won't show under the collar of his shirt; almost _considerate_ enough to realize that it's something Forde should keep to himself away from public eye. His hands, heavy and strong as they may be, search his bare skin all over-- and never aggressive enough to hurt him in the slightest. Their kisses are slow and warm; Kyle's breath on him causing him to _shiver._

And maybe he's just imagining it, but Kyle looks _nervous_ this time around. 

Maybe it's just Kyle hearing his name being muttered from Forde for the first time during anything this _intimate_. 

Or maybe he was just nervous this time around from the _start._

Kyle has to like him for him. He _has_ to. Both too tired to move after Kyle proves to Forde that he can be even _better_ in bed; he feels the low hum of Kyle's voice against his chest.

Once not even bothering to want to _touch_ him after they both finished; he _now_ has his arm wrapped over the top of his body.

"Goodnight, Forde." Mumbles Kyle, faintly smiling. 

"...'Night..." 

And while Forde is falling asleep, drifting off so close to unconsciousness; a thought crosses his mind again. 

The thought that _he is definitely getting closer and closer to falling in love._

But the level of exhaustion and time inbetween _being_ awake and _not_ being awake is often an unclear one, so when he wakes up tomorrow, he won't remember having had this thought at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyday since February I crave matcha SO BAD i want matcha SO MUCH and everyday I think about FordeKyle so I will band them together now  
> Tuesday Again No Problem


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright bois just cause u r in ur stupid happy-go-lucky honeymoon phase doesnt mean its gonna last forever time to have Little a Worrisome feelings

Kyle succumbs hard, Kyle gives in fast. Despite his previous lack of knowledge; as long as it's someone Kyle desires, Kyle's feelings _will_ get the better of him, and they will do it _much_ quicker than he feels is appropriate.

They've only been dating for about a month, and Kyle wants more. Wants to know how Forde's doing when Kyle's not around, wants to know _what_ he's doing. If he's taking care of himself. (Ironic, he knows, considering not too long ago he only wanted to worry about himself.) And if Forde's _not_ he wants to make sure Forde _is_ , and he wants to make him comfortable and make him happy. Wants to wake up next to him, run his hand over his leg. Sleep in an hour longer than he should. And when Forde finally wakes up with him, they will lay together in silence, both too tired to speak just yet.

But that's okay... there's a bliss in soft touches without words. The rise and fall of Forde's chest against his. Forde repositioning himself so he's _closer;_ body on top of him and weighing him down. Face nuzzling his cheek.

He wants it so badly. Wants it every morning, and wants it every night. Wants it _all damn day_ but he knows that's _ridiculous_ and if he wants to keep Forde _that_ badly he needs to give him space at times.

So he settles for texting him ' _good morning'_ and texting him ' _goodnight_ ' everyday to fill that need on days they can't see each other.

Sometimes Forde responds, sometimes he doesn't. When he doesn't, it doesn't upset Kyle as much as he thought it may. As long as Forde read it, and on the other end had his day brightened even just a _fraction_ , Kyle is happy.

_He's in love_. It's annoying and time-consuming and not the built-up romance _'love'_ really is, but he's in love. It's the infatuated love-at-first sight and head-over-heels type of thing that typically _never_ lasts; is what he tries to convince himself, but he can't. Because he _feels_ so strongly, it _has_ to be different.

Forde usually wakes up at around 10, four hours after Kyle does. So if he's going to anticipate a reply, he is left in waiting. About 30 more minutes left until he can see if it's a reply or reply _-less_ day. 

Speak-- or even just _think_ of the devil, and the devil shall show its self. Seems like Forde will respond this morning.

'

**good morning !!! i have a client meeting in a couple hours. wish me luck... wish it was a date with u instead :'(**

'

Kyle screams in his head. What the _hell_... how is he so cute?

'

**.You'll do fine**

'

A photo is sent his way; a mirror selfie. He looks really good with his shirt tucked in, and the purple-red of his tie really brings out the specks of gold in his eyes. The hand not holding the phone connects his thumb and index finger into a circle, and he has the cutest smile on his face.

'

**do i look ok?**

'

Kyle saves the picture into his phone without a thought.

Kyle _also_ sets it as his homescreen without a thought.

Cute.. _. so cute_. What the hell? _He shouldn't do that!_ Everytime he opens his phone he's going to smile and blush now. _But Forde's so cute_.

'

**.You look good**

'

That doesn't cover _half_ of how good Kyle thinks he looks.

'

**:( liar**

**!I'm not lying**

**i want to see u. can u send me a pic of u?**

'

What? _Why_? Forde can't send him _that_ and expect anything from himself to look even _half_ -decent in comparison?

'

. **Not now**

**pleaseee?**

**.No**

**i probably wont get to see you for a few days PLEEASEEEEE I MISS U**

'

Ugh, why is he so insistent?

'

**.You can wait**

**BUT I DONT WANT TO AND IF I DONT NEED TO I SHOUDLNDT HAVE TO.**

**PLEASE**

**PLS**

**PLZPL**

**PLS**

**PLEASSEE**

**KYLE**

**PLEASE KLYE**

**PLESE**

**.OKAY FINE SHUT UP**

'

He _hates_ taking pictures of himself. Ugh, _why?_ How much can he cover the bottom half of his face and it still be considered a picture of him? This is so weird...

_Just send it to him and get it over with._

'

**AWW UR SO CUTE. UR RIGHT ILL BE FINE. I CAN GET THRU ANYTHING.**

'

_Oh for fuck's sake._

_'_

**Sorry I sent you a picture of what you need to make sure you DON'T look like in order to make a good impression**

**noooo no nope u sent me power and energy. motivation. i cant wait until i have time bc when i do im gonna stare at it for hours.**

**.Delete it**

**never :] now i should probably get myself going... i hope to see u in a few days**

**.When it's done, tell me how it went. Bye**

**sure <3**

'

Kyle stares at the heart emoticon. _Why did he put a heart emoticon_? What does it mean? _What does it mean when you send someone a heart emoticon_?

Kyle turns off his phone and lays the back of his hand against his forehead.

He is learning so much. He is learning just how much of a _hopeless romantic_ he is.

* * *

_I probably shouldn't be taking more than one project right now._

Forde thinks to himself, because he knows after the conversation he just had with his latest customer that he will have no trouble with what they asked of him; He will end up putting all his effort and work into it and once more procrastinate on the _other one._

How was he able to work on it so much before? He got so much done in so little time, but as of today, it has been about a month since he last touched it. Forde wishes Mia would ask him what's taking him so long, but she seems to be about as understanding as her brother; which is to say: _very_ understanding. Much to Forde's surprise, no matter what his first impressions were for both.

He can't work on either the older one or the one he just accepted today; because he wants to see Kyle so bad, and knows he _can_ now. Before he had nothing better to do so he could work but now he _just wants to see Kyle._

Maybe seeing Kyle will help motivate him? Fat chance-- but why not give it a try?

Using one hand, he unties the tie he forgot he was wearing and rips it off. Wearing it was a lot more stuffy than he had realized, and he undoes a little less than half the buttons on his shirt too, for good measure. _Then he calls someone._

"Uh- hey. How did it go?"

There's just something about phone calls that makes Kyle sound extra nervous-- even more so than in person. His voice is a pitch or two higher, and Forde knows it's not only because sound travels differently over the line.

But he assumes it's probably the same case for him, too. Phone calls with _anyone_ are unsettling-- so much can be misinterpreted without a face to read. Let alone with the person you are _dating._

"...It went well. Got more to work on... By the way... _can you come over today?"_

"What? _Aren't you busy?"_

"I... _yeah..._ but I can't bring myself to actually _work_. I can't stay focused."

"I thought I just distracted you." Kyle's laugh though, _sounds natural enough_. Guess you can't sound nervous when you're genuinely laughing. "Why would you want me over if you're trying to get stuff done?"

"...Because I'm not succeeding anyway. Might as well make the best of it. And maybe... if you're quiet... it will be enough for me to actually work. As long as you're nearby I might be in a better mindset..."

Forde hears an exhale turn into a smile. "Okay, _fine._ When should I come over?"

"Right now."

"Now? How do you know _I'm_ not busy? Maybe I _can't_ come over right now."

"...Well... whenever you can... I'll leave the door unlocked." Maybe Kyle doesn't _want_ to... Forde didn't even _think_ of that.

"I was joking. I'll be over in about half an hour. And uh, _no funny business_. If you seriously want to get something done, don't even try and kiss me or anything; we both know where _that_ might lead. I'll stay in the other room while you work."

"...You just _assume_ I want to kiss you?"

"..."

_"Come on!_ Don't act like you didn't hear me! I was kidding. _Of course I want to kiss you_. I'll see you soon. And if you won't _let_ me kiss you... then _mmmm-wha_."

"Uh. Right... _See you."_

Kyle sounds nervous again. _Cute._

It sounds to Forde like Kyle _does_ want to come over. _That's good._

* * *

Is it really okay for Kyle to just... _open the door?_

Forde told him it was unlocked... does that mean he's free to let himself in? 

His hand hovers over the handle, then back at his side. Then over the handle again. Back at his side. Then he groans and hangs his head. What is he supposed to do here?

Should he just ring the buzzer? But if he does that will Forde think it's someone else and ignore it? Should Kyle text him and tell him he's here? That seems silly...

Kyle ends up knocking.

No response... maybe he can't hear him?

He knocks louder.

Nothing.

Ugh... he feels stupid. Kyle gives up and opens the door.

Forde is _right there,_ standing with his arms crossed in front of him all bastard-like.

"If you were standing _right here_ why didn't you-"

"I told you it was open. Why did you knock?" 

Forde's making fun of him... _sheesh._ Trying to keep the smile on his face as _just that_ , and not bursting into laughter, it looks like. Kyle thinks Forde's going to cave any minute, though.

"You just leave your door unlocked? So strangers can come into your place as they so desire?"

That does it for him, Forde starts giggling. His smile is so cute. "Those words hold no meaning _, coming from you_."

"Sh-shut up! I never walk in without _asking_ first!"

"But _you_ just opened my door? And _I_ didn't touch it?"

"..."

"Pfft. You are _so easy_ , you know that? _Jeez,_ Kyle. I don't have a problem with _you_ opening my door. I _told_ you it was unlocked... _and..."_

Forde comes up close to him, pressing the heat of his body against him. Forde's shirt is half undone. _How did Kyle not realize that before_? Because his arms were covering it?

"And you don't count. Because _you aren't a stranger_."

Forde's hot, Kyle finds Forde _so hot_. His voice is usually on the more higher side, at least compared to his own; so when it gets low and smooth like it is now it's _really hot_.

"Get off of me... you said you'd get work done. _You said you wouldn't do this."_

_"Nope!_ I only agreed to not _kissing_ you. I'll get back to it, I swear. Just after I'm finished _hugging_ you."

" _After you're finished_? How long can you possibly just _hug_ someone for?"

_"I_ could do it for awhile, and I _know_ you could too, considering how much you like to be _touched_."

"I do not like to be-... _not that much_..."

"You don't need to hide it from me. You _don't_ hide it from me, actually. It's plain as day on your face whenever I even so much as brush your arm.

Forde runs his fingertips over Kyle's bicep. 

So what if he likes physical affection so much? Forde doesn't need to _tease_ him about it.

...Because it _does_ feel good.

"See? _You like that_ , don't you?"

"Y-yes... So _stop before I want more_."

_"Alright._ Okay. _I'm sorry for being mean._ I'll leave my bedroom door open so I can hear if you're doing anything weird."

"What does _that_ mean?!"

"I dunno, maybe you'll want to crank one out."

_"Jesus,_ get off my case." As quick as possible, Kyle gives Forde a quick peck on the lips. "Get to work now."

"Hey! What was _that_! You said _no kissing_!"

"Just _one_. That's it. _You_ seem to be unwilling to hold back in climbing all-up on me, so there's nothing wrong if _I_ kiss you _once."_ Kyle lifts up a finger and whispers " _One_."

"Fine. _I see how it is_." Forde lifts his arms off of Kyle, dramatically in the air like the end of the world is nigh. "Farewell my Flame in darkness, for the Winds of The North are keeping you from lighting up my world. Perchance when the climate is suitable, we shall meet again."

_So dramatic..._

"I'm going to check on you in an hour. Mostly to make sure you're getting something done, partially because I'm afraid you're going insane."

_"Silence!_ One is only as insane as the world perceives Man to be." Forde waves him off as he turns to walk into his room. "If you are suggesting that I have regressed to my days of infanthood, then perhaps you have no need to check upon my well-being. For it is an infectious disease, one I'd rather not see my _good friend_ fall madness to."

"God..."

Forde actually stops talking , much to Kyle's surprise. He thought he may try and continue the charade a bit longer. Apart from the mostly metronomic sound of Kyle flipping a page periodically on the book he reads in Forde's living room; the only other sound is the occasional hum of Forde singing when he is at just the right level of concentration.

And an hour goes by so much faster like this in comparison to what he's used to. The silence (maybe even _more_ comfortable than when they're talking) that sits between them, not needing to say anything, but knowing the other isn't very far away? It's more than Kyle could ever ask for.

It's been an hour _and a half_ , actually. No sign of life in the other room can be heard anymore. Turns out Forde is actually a really dilligent worker; a stark contrast to his easy-going personality.

"Forde, are you-"

After he's gotten up, in front of the door cracked open to Forde's room, _Kyle realizes he's staring_. 

Why is he staring? _Forde_ hasn't realized he's here; he has headphones in. He shouldn't be so _enamoured_ when Forde's not even _giving him attention._

This reminds Kyle of something... one of his many points of no return. A moment in time where he realized he was _already_ in too deep.

Forde's so... _cool,_ almost. So much different when he's focused. The jealousy he felt before has started shaping into respect and fondness. To think the last time he saw him working like this, Kyle thought it would be the last time he'd see him _ever_.

Trying to keep his footsteps quiet, he enters and sneaks over behind Forde. He still hasn't noticed him, it seems.

Kyle yanks a earbud out from the string. "Hey..."

Slowly, Forde turns his head back. _"What the fuck was that_ _for?_ "

Kyle starts laughing at his deadpan reaction.

_"Stop laughing!_ I'm busy, and you just sucked out all my vibing juice. Unless you accidentally set something on fire _, leave me alone."_

Ah, yes. Another contrast in personality; when Forde's working, he does not give a shit if he's being a bit... _impersonal._

Kyle, at least now thinks, that it's not something he should take _personally._ So he keeps up his act- whatever sort of _'act'_ it was.

"What If I set something on fire on purpose?"

"Then you have no one else to put the blame, so turn yourself in and call the fire department."

Forde is only _half_ -turned around, _half_ paying attention to Kyle. Half-way about to put the other headphone back in--

"It wasn't on purpose, though. It was the Winds of The West. Blew my sparks everywhere."

A hint of a smile on his face now. "...It's the Winds of The North. _Get it right_." Forde still won't do Kyle the honour of turning around to look at him all the way.

Forde opts to not put his headphone back in just yet.

_"My bad_ , I can't remember all the incoherent _bullshit_ you pull out of your ass word-for-word."

"Too busy putting stuff up there?"

"You're so gross... _But I'm not much better_. Anyway... whatcha listenin' to?"

"You think I'm gonna _tell_ you?"

"...Please?"

Forde snorts, finally giving up on trying to paint right this second, and puts down his brush. "Just some songs."

Forde spins around on his stool, arms now inbetween his extended legs. Facing Kyle.

" _Songs_? What sort of _songs?"_

_"Musical_ songs. The kinds that make sounds and noise."

"...Why can't you tell me?"

"You'll make fun of me."

"Well, _yeah._ That's the _point_."

"Then I won't tell you if your sole _reason_ is to _laugh_ at me."

"Don't be like that... I want to know what kind of music my boyfriend listens to..."

Forde blinks. "...Your _boyfriend_?" Then his eyes widen, a confused pout on his face.

What? _Boyfriend_? Did Kyle really just say that? _Did Kyle really just say that out loud on accident?!_

_"I didn't mean-"_

"Is _that_ how you see me? Because if you do..." The pout turns into one of his signature smirks. "Then you just made your boyfriend _very happy_." 

"...I-"

"B-But if you don't _that's fine!_ I was just-" Why did he fall back now? Own up to it Forde, _jeez..._

"...I do. _I see you as my boyfriend_... and I hope you see me in a similar light..."

"...I see you in the same light."

"I'm... glad to hear that."

_"Me too..."_

"..."

"..."

"Now that that's... _settled..._ This is for the person you met with earlier today?"

Kyle gestures toward this new painting, one he hasn't seen before. He's _got_ to change the subject, or he will dwell all-too-happily on the thought that _boyfriends_ mean Forde doesn't have any intention to see anyone else but _him_.

_"Huh?_ Uh, yeah."

"How's the... _other_ one coming along?"

"I uh... am kinda taking a break from it for a bit. I can't... _get it right."_

"Ah... maybe that's for the better. I think you need to learn moderation."

"What?!"

"You've been working on this for like... two hours now."

"Wow. _Two hours_? Two hours is _nothing_. I do this all the time. _It's normal_."

"...Have you eaten at all today?"

"What?"

"You know. _Food?_ Sustenance?"

"...No."

"Thought that might be the case... I think you should stop now."

_"Mmmm."_ Forde whines, and it's difficult for Kyle not to accept his argument. "I'll eat when I'm done here-"

"If I make you something will you stop when it's done?"

"...I... you don't need to do that for me... but if you want to... _that'd be really nice..."_

"I mean if you want me to go to the store I'll go buy some stuff to make something and then I'll come back and then-"

"I have some stuff, you can use anything you find."

"W-wait. _I can_? That's okay? Do you want me to pay you ba-"

" _Again_? Seriously, dude. You don't need to pay me back if I'm _telling_ you it's okay. You _really_ don't need to pay me back if you are going out of _your_ way to make me something. I really appreciate it... I _am_ starting to feel kind of tired..."

"Oh crap. Now you're expecting something good. Shit."

"I don't care if it's good or not! All I care is that you seem to care enough to try. _Thank you,_ I mean it."

"I haven't even made you anything yet."

"Then GIT ON IT BOY!"

"Okay! Okay! Don't get _too_ back into what you were doing."

_Why did he suggest this_? Because Forde was looking paler than usual and a little on the weaker side? Kyle wants him to feel his best... but _what the hell is he supposed to make him?_

Nothing too... _sickening..._ nothing too hard on your stomach after you haven't eaten all day... Nothing that takes _too_ long to make...

What the hell is he doing? Why did Forde say it was okay? Kyle doesn't even know what Forde likes! As long as it came from _Forde's_ pantry... he _should_ like it, right?

But will he like anything _he_ makes? Will he ruin otherwise fine ingredients? 

He's gotta do _something--_ so he figures as long as it's edible, Forde can't get _too_ mad at him. Kyle flings open the fridge.

Why does he buy so much food? Does he eat all this? Isn't he afraid of it going bad? Why does he need one gallon of 2% milk and _another_ fat-free one? 

Kyle crouches and squints at the fruit drawer. Why does he need four whole avocados _at once_?

Kyle sighs, opens the drawer, and grabs one along with a pomegranate that's _already_ been cut in half. They don't keep that long, has Forde forgotten he had half of it left? _Whatever._ All the more reason to use it now.

_Something light_. A salad. _Boring..._ not exciting... but _Kyle doesn't know what else to do._

He has spinach. He has bell peppers. He has, _virtually anything_ to make a salad with. 

_Please be okay with this._ He can make dressing, he can make croutons on a stove. But what he _can't_ do is be sure Forde will find any of it any _good._

After he's added what he feels like is too much variety, he realizes he's scared to tell him he's done. Why does he want to _impress_ him so much? 

"Hey... F-Forde...?"

"Yeay-ap?"

He never put his headphones back in...

"It's uh- _There's food."_

"What'd you make me!?"

Forde gets up, stretches his arms over his head, and smiles. Like he's _looking forward to it_ or something _._

_Oh God he's going to be so dissapointed._

_"...Nothing good._ Just eat." Kyle turns and walks out.

"Hmm... Wait! This was _your_ idea! Don't be so snappy."

"I _am_ not _'snappy'."_

"You're _always_ snappy. You're snappy and cranky and grumpy and crabby and touchy and-"

"Because you make me that way."

"I didn't do anything to you then!"

"You called me snappy..."

"Rightfully so."

Kyle feels Forde rest his face on his back, and the embrace of his arms being wrapped under his own.

"If that's what you _think_ of me, maybe get a _new_ boyfriend."

"But I _like_ my edgy boyfriend. _I like him a lot."_

"..." Kyle lifts up an arm, and puts his hand over one of Forde's. " _You could do better_." He jokes.

"..." Forde lets out a heavy exhale, and pries himself off of Kyle.

The smile he had before is gone; and instead replaced with a look of poorly-hid upset.

"Let's eat... what did you make?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No. I'm just hungry."

Something got to him, within such a short amount of time. But what?

_Whatever._ Maybe Forde does just _need to eat._ He _does_ , actually. So Kyle finds himself sitting at Forde's table.

Across from him, Forde sits too, trying his best to set aside the troubled look on his face. "What'd you put in it?" Forde asks as he picks at the plate Kyle set out with a fork. Looks like Forde will try and forget whatever was on his mind.

"Secret ingredients."

"...I was listening to Eurobeat and Synthpop, if you want to know that badly."

" _What_?"

"I wouldn't tell you what I was listening to, so you won't tell me what you've put in this, right?"

"N-no. I forgot about that. _What the hell is Eurobeat_?"

"...I uh.. well... to make it easy to explain; I guess while I'm _working,_ I just listen to whatever the hell makes me feel like I had 60 energy drinks and 20 espresso shots."

"...I guess I shouldn't have asked."

"What about what _you_ won't tell me? Is the secret ingredient... your.. _. love_?"

"..."

"Pfft... don't _clam up_. I'm _joking."_ Forde's not joking; he's doing it again. His jokes where he says something he _means_ and then _acts_ like it was a joke so Kyle doesn't take him seriously.

_But Kyle takes him seriously_ ; because now he knows he should.

And in order to take him seriously, Kyle knows he needs to play along to not make Forde feel even _more_ uncomfortable.

_"It was supposed to be a secret_." Kyle tries his best at making it sound light-hearted. It's supposed to be _seen_ as a joke; but to Kyle, _it's not._ Kyle put as much love as he could _possibly_ muster into a plate of greens. Forde just can't _know_ yet that it's _full-blown_ love. _Not yet_. 

He seems to think that _Kyle_ saw it as a joke now, since his expression softens significantly. Way less stressed.

" _Your secret's safe with me."_ Forde laughs softly, as he finally shovels a first bite into his mouth. "Wat hah ufuc? Hhis ish acshually preey good?"

"Swallow. I can't understand what you're saying."

Forde swallows his food. "Gotta _boss_ me around like that when I'm eating dinner, too?"

"You know that's _not what I meant."_

_"Yeeess._ But your face everytime I say anything even in a _similar_ realm gets all flustered. It's cute. Hard to believe you're the same person in my sheets and _now_."

"Is that the only thing ever on your mind?"

"No. _As I was saying--_ this is good, Kyle. Thank you."

"It's not..."

"Uh? No? It is. It actually has taste and depth. I'm surprised. I thought you were going to bring me condensed soup. Maybe not even open it. Just, hand me the can and tell me _dinner is served."_

_"...Thanks."_

"Okay, _that sounded mean._ But uh, _it's really good_. I mean it. I'd never think to put _half_ the stuff you put in it. But it works. Did _you_ make these little garlic breads?"

"They're _croutons..._ and yes. _But stop_. You're just _hungry._ Don't tell me it's good. _It's literally nothing_."

Another wave of sadness on his face? Why?

"Maybe not to you..." Forde slowly chews... and Kyle wishes he knew what it was that so often makes him so seemingly _scared._ "But to _me,_ it's _everything._ So I really wish you'd just _not say that_."

"...What?"

" _You_ are always telling me _my_ work is good! So why won't you let me tell you the same?"

"Wh-what? What do you mean?"

"...I mean, that I wish you'd just let me _appreciate_ you. Okay?"

"Oh... okay." Does it really upset him that much? "Alright... _thanks?"_

" _You don't mean that."_

"Well of _course_ I don't! You _forced_ it out of me! You don't need to lie to yourself _and_ to me. I can _take_ constructive critici-"

" _Clearly_ you _can't_. A _part_ of constructive criticism is pointing out the _good_ parts, too. And _you_ just won't _listen_ to me when I try and tell you _'thank you'."_

He looks, _very_ upset now. Why? Why did he need to get upset over this? Kyle just wanted to make him happy? _Why is the opposite happening?_

"...Forde?"

No answer. ... _C_ _ome on._

"Forde."

Still nothing.

" _I'm talking to you_. Hey." Kyle lightly kicks him under the table. A hint of a smile returns on Forde's face: but he does his damn hardest to keep it off. _"Look,_ I'm sorry. I didn't know it bothered you. _I'll stop_ , I promise. _Please don't be upset_."

_"...Me too."_

"What?"

_"I'm sorry_. I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I just... _it just gets on my nerves when you undermine how I feel."_

"And it gets on _my_ nerves when you don't _tell_ me how you feel... but, you _did_ tell me... so are we even?"

Forde nods.

"Good. Now uh, let's try that again... _How is it?_ "

Forde looks up at him, there's still so much in his eyes; stuff Kyle needs to know. He can't force it all out now though, try as he may. Maybe one day Forde'll come around. " _It's one of the best things I've ever eaten_."

"...Oh _come_ on-- I-I mean... Uh. _Thanks._ I'm... I'm glad. I'm glad you like it. _I put all of my love in it_ , after all."

No longer is Forde trying to hide his smile again.

"...I like the Avo-Kyle-Do."

"..."

"What'd you put in that part?"

"Just... _normal_ stuff. Celery salt, pepper... lime juice. A bit of onion powder. _Actual_ onions... some tomatoes. Brown mustard..."

"Mustard?"

"Yeah?"

"I never thought about _that..._ but it's good... Hey... Did you get my joke? Because it's an avocado and your name is-"

"I got the joke, Forde."

"Hehe... _Good._ Good." 

It's so nice to see Forde happy again... Kyle thinks it might be his new favorite thing.

"Oh and... Kyle?"

"Yeah?"

"...You wanna be my maid?"

" _Excuse me?"_

"My maid. Make me food. Everyday I'll tell you it's good until you believe me. Having you around constantly will be a plus..."

"...If you actually _want_ that... I wouldn't have a problem with making you something to eat. Because I think sometimes you forget to take care of yourself..."

"Sounds like a deal. Call me _'Master'."_

"NOT happening."

"I thought as much. Was worth a shot... Anyway, are you staying here tonight?"

"Aren't you busy?"

"Yeah. That's why you should stay. Feed me tomorrow morning. Make sure I work. _Take care of me."_

"...Okay."

"As my maid, I have your first task. ...I need you to hold me _really_ tight tonight."

"...As His Excellency wishes."

"Ah ha ha! Changed my mind, don't call me master or anything even _close._ It's weird. You're not my maid; _you're my boyfriend."_

There's a lot, _a lot_ Kyle has ended up bargaining for by _caring_ so much about Forde. Maybe falling in the first stages of love _is_ actually as troublesome as he thought it would be back before he even allowed himself to _feel_ this way.

But now it's not falling in love that scares him, it's love falling _away_ from him that he's scared of now. 

It's worth it, though. _Caring_ _is_ _worth it._

Kyle is just happy that tonight, he will get to tell Forde _'goodnight'_ with words instead of with a screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unrelated to this chapter but it's amazing how you can proof something over and over and OVER before you post it and not see that you used the wrong "your'e" UNTIL right after you post it. Maybe I'll fix it maybe I won't. What other mistakes go unnoticed by my damaged brain, I wonder.


	5. Chapter 5

"Shit. _Not again."_ Kyle drops the controller next to him on the couch. He keeps losing. His rank is going down. In order to maintain it, he should be playing with Forde-- not random players over the internet. Kyle only plays well with Forde. (Or maybe Forde just plays well, and Kyle is along for the ride.) 

He brings himself up off of the sunken-in couch. Has he been playing for an hour _already?_ That means Forde has been in the other room working for _longer._

He stretches and groans, walking over to knock on the bedroom door. If Kyle doesn't remind Forde to take a break every hour or so, Kyle knows Forde won't stop what it is he's doing for hours on end.

"Hey. Take a break."

"Just let me finish this part."

Ugh, _he's so stubborn_. 

Kyle twists open the door handle, and finds that it doesn't look like Forde has moved at all from when he last saw him. "No. Break. _Now_."

"I'm almost done with-"

"Nope." Kyle lifts Forde over his shoulder. "Get up, get something to eat. You look like shit."

"Gee, _thanks."_ Forde says between Kyle's hand on his face, squeezing his cheeks together after he sets him down.

"Do you want water, or tea, or _something?"_

"I want to finish my-"

"I said no. It's looking fine. But _you_ , however, look like hell. You still have like a month to finish it! It's fine, just take a break."

"I don't want to."

"Why not? I don't want it to stress you out so much!"

"Because! I want it to be just right. If it's not, I'll feel really bad about myself."

Forde, actually _does_ look like shit. Kyle can tell that there's something, apart from how his progress is turning out, that is also at play in causing him to look so distressed.

One day, Kyle realized he was at Forde's place more than at his own. There are two toothbrushes in the holder on his bathroom sink; two, now _matching,_ chairs at the table in the kitchen. Sometimes, Kyle forgets that a particular shirt or jacket he bought some time ago was ever even _his_ in the first place, because the person who wears them more often between the two of them; _is Forde_.

All this getting closer, and Forde has yet to tell him why sometimes, he looks so _distant._

"You can... _talk_ to me. You do know that, don't you?"

"...Huh?"

"Why will you feel bad? _It's coming along just as beautiful as the person painting it_. You have nothing to worry abo-"

Forde rolls his eyes. "I'm going to ruin it."

"I don't think you will. You've showed me your other stuff in the past! They all looked incredible. Why would this one be any different!?"

"Because. _This_ time I've made myself an unrealistic expectation for what's good enough. And it will _never_ be good enough."

"It's plenty _enough,_ Forde."

"Maybe to _you._ But not to me. If I lose your sister's respect because she may not like it as much as she could... then, maybe..."

What's he trying to say?

"What?"

"...Maybe I'll lose _yours,_ too."

Did Kyle not just tell him it looked fine? Does Forde just, _not listen to him_?

" _Are you stupid_?" Kyle grabs Forde by the shoulders and shakes him lightly. He notices he's wearing the same shirt Kyle wore back on their first date; since it has been tainted with a dab of green that he was never able to get out, Forde uses it so that if he were to get paint on it, it wouldn't matter. "What part of _'it looks great'_ don't you understand?" 

"And what part of _I'm scared of losing you_ don't _you_ understand?"

If Forde only ever _expressed_ this, talked to him about how he felt, instead of the attempts to hide his fears with fake laughter, Kyle wouldn't be on the verge of yelling in his face.

He's on the _verge_ , he _wants_ to scream, but he keeps his voice down. 

"Why would you _'lose'_ me over that? Listen, I want you to _talk_ to me. You _never_ do."

It's the keeping-to-himself that Forde does that Forde _would_ really lose Kyle over, if he doesn't realize. But Forde _will_ talk today. Because Kyle won't be lost, he won't allow it.

"...I'm scared."

"I can see _that._ But, would you tell me why?"

"...If _I_ don't like it, then your _sister_ won't like it. If your sister doesn't like it; neither will _you_. Because, what I've noticed while sending her updates with it, is that I couldn't have judged her more than I did the first time she contacted me. I thought she was bitter and uptight, _but she's not_. She's really kind, really patient with how slow I've been working on it up until recently. _It was the same with you_. I thought you were cold and self-absorbed; but you're not. And now that I see just how _alike_ you are, I can't stand to think that whatever I try to do will never be enough, and if _she_ doesn't like it, _you_ won't like it. And then maybe _you won't like me_."

" _You are stupid_." How long has he felt this way? "I thought she told you she loves it so far? And even if she didn't, why would that make _me_ feel any different? We're not the _same person,_ Forde."

"...I know... I guess you're right... _just because she's your-_ doesn't mean-... _sorry."_

"Why would it? Are you the same as the people you grew up with? I'm sure not _entirely_."

"...No, not at all." 

Come to think of it, Forde has also never told him much about his family. Does he not like Kyle enough? Does he figure there's no point in telling him about them unless there is an absolute chance of him being introduced?

"...Forde?"

"...Yes?"

"Does your family... do they... do they talk to you? _At all?"_

Forde has always avoided this topic. Kyle has always avoided asking after a few feeble attempts before. Forde would ignore it. 

_But Kyle hopes he answers this time_.

"...My uh, my dad does. _Sometimes..."_

"Has he... _hurt you_?"

 _"...No..._ I just don't think he likes me anymore."

 _Anymore_?

"What do you mean by that?"

"...I just don't think he's... _proud_ of me, is all. But I wouldn't be eith-" There's a crack in Forde's voice.

 _"No,_ don't say that. Tell me _why_ you think that."

"I just didn't do a very good job, _okay?"_

Forde might cry any minute. Did Kyle do this to him? He just wants to understand him better, _why does he have to cry?_

"With what?"

"With _everything!"_ Forde doesn't keep composure for as long as Kyle thought he would be able to, he breaks, and hides his face in Kyle's chest. "I couldn't do it right, I couldn't raise my brother right, couldn't raise _myself_. I failed my father, and _you're_ probably going to be next."

A lot to unpack. Does Forde really believe that? Wait... _he has a brother_?

"You have a brother?"

"Yeah..."

"Who _you_ raised?"

"Sorta, my... dad was away a lot when we were younger. Had to work. And my mother died when we were both really young."

Kyle's only learning this _now._ Kyle wished he would have learned this a little sooner. _Kyle has been so insensitive_. No wonder Forde acts funny if he brings up his own family.

"You know, Forde. If you had to take care of your brother; I mean _I_ never met him... I didn't know you actually _had_ one... but if _you_ were his biggest role model, I'm sure he turned out _just fine_."

"..."

"Not even gonna _try_ and disagree? _Because I'm right?_ " Kyle rubs Forde's back. Is it helping get across the point that he cares about him?

"...No. He... _is_ fine. But he deserved better."

"I think _you_ did too. But... That's not going to make me stop liking you as much as I do. How old is he now?"

"He's 19." 

"Do you talk to _him_?"

"I... would like to. He's a good kid. He actually reminds me of you. But I'm scared to... he's doing a lot better now. I shouldn't have a part in destroying him after he's finally getting somewhere."

"That contradicts itself."

"What?"

"How can he be a good kid while reminding you of me?"

"Mmm." Forde chuckles, and Kyle feels like _maybe they're getting somewhere._

Slowly rocking him in his arms, Kyle needs to show Forde just how important he is to him.

"You know... You're afraid of ruining your brother's life? _That makes two of us._ " Kyle buries his face in Forde's hair. "I didn't want to go to my sister's wedding some time ago-- but maybe it won't be so bad. I'll go. And I want you to talk to your brother if he lets you."

"...Ah. It's easier to say I'll do it than to _actually_ do it. He's really friendly. I _know_ he misses me, I just don't know _why."_

"...Probably because _he loves_ _you_? Duh."

Forde did say he reminded him of himself, after all.

"...You're a meanie."

"What?" 

"You're too nice to me."

"Uh... _no._ But listen, how about you try to call him tomorrow?"

Forde groans. "I... what if my dad tries to talk to me? He still lives with him. I won't know what to say."

"Is your brother okay living with him?"

"...He's fine. _I'm sure he's fine_. My dad is able to be there for him. But it was different for me, because when _I_ was younger, _he wasn't._ I know he tries so hard to fill that gap nowadays. But to be honest, it's weird for me when he was _absent_ for so long."

That _gap..._ is Kyle doing that to his own family? They were fine, but one day Kyle grew too _'independent'_ that he didn't know how to talk to them again. 

" _You'll be fine."_ Kyle firmly believes what he tells Forde. "I'm proud of you."

"...You think it will be fine? Really?"

"Yes. You just have to face it, first."

Maybe he's talking to Forde, or maybe even himself a little.

But Kyle almost feels cynical from the joy he feels that Forde seems to trust him, even if it means he was so _upset_ in order to prove it.

"...Maybe taking a break isn't such a bad idea. Will you do something with me? Can we play a video game?"

"...I just... _played for like an hour,_ but... if you... _really want to-"_

"No. We can so something else. I don't care. _As long as it's with you."_

In this moment, Kyle realizes there is no longer a need to simply _use_ the word love in his head to refer to how he feels. 

Because now, he no longer _refers_ to it as love. It _is_ full-fledged love. And now it is the only word that works exactly, because it's the only word that explains _exactly how he feels._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not to be more annoying than usual and upload a chapter twice in a day but I had too much caffeine to the point where I am too wired to draw im jacked i cant stop moving and if I can't draw or bring myself to do anything I want to spend Money and I have already done that so I think i will edit this chapter and post now so I don't end up spending MORE because I am very tempted to do so ooooo I am scared bc this chapter is short pls dont spend any more money u dumb ass

It doesn't take all that long for Kyle being around Forde to be more often than not. It doesn't take all that long for Forde to see just how important Kyle really is to him.

The seasons are changing and with it bringing warmer weather everyday, but Forde is only falling deeper and deeper in his feelings of fondness.

It doesn't take all that long for Forde, to, without a doubt in his mind, know that he is completely and utterly _in love with Kyle._

Forde still doubts a lot of things; like the reasons Kyle seems to still want to stick around; or that this whole thing won't one day collapse and break his heart. But he is _so_ in love with Kyle, that even when, as he thinks it is sure to occur; that even when that happens he figures it will have been worth it as long as the time he spent made him as happy as he feels now.

And everyday he thinks this. He thinks it when Kyle still believes him to be asleep in the morning; when Kyle has gotten up half an hour ago letting him sleep in. When Kyle comes back into the room for a minute or two, now with a cup of decaf coffee because he claims he doesn't like that surge in energy; he says Forde's _enough_ to keep him wired.

Or when Forde swears there's something Kyle is so fixated on in the corner of his room. The only thing over there is his paint supplies; a crude little studio if you can even call it _that._

He never says anything to him about it when Forde's awake; possibly because Forde asked him not to- ' _I work better if no one is breathing down my back_.' Is what Forde once told him, and Kyle has been generally pretty good at respecting this.

There is _one_ thing about this that bothers him, even if _he_ put them in this position. Forde can never so much as _try_ and read how Kyle feels when he takes a moment to look over that spot in his room, the spot where he keeps the piece he gets closer and closer to finishing by the day. He's been keeping tabs on updating his _now_ -boyfriend's sister about how it's been coming along. It is due very soon. 

_She_ can tell him what she thinks, but he doesn't _dare_ ask Kyle. Doesn't dare get up from pretending to be asleep to see what kind of look he has on his face-- that'd be too hard: his back is always facing him then. And of course, when Kyle turns back to brush his hair from his eyes, kiss him on the forehead, and then head back out into the kitchen to make breakfast; Forde has to keep up the act of being asleep.

He thinks about it this same morning, after _all_ that stuff happens. After Kyle comes in just before 11 because he never lets him sleep in _too_ late. " _Breakfast is ready_." And when Forde just rolls onto his side, Kyle sighs and picks him up despite his whines of disapproval for wanting _just 5 more minutes._

Kyle will sit him down at the dining table, long ago upgraded. Definetly not courtesy of Kyle's company... ok, _maybe_ courtesy of Kyle's company.

And Forde will get to see what Kyle places before him today. It's always good, and Kyle won't say it's _not_ , but he won't say it _is_ , either.

"Waffles..." Forde yawns.

_"...Waffles."_

Not frozen, but home-made and cooked to perfection. Golden without being burnt; fluffy on the inside. Topped with the perfect temperature of warm blueberries mixed with a taste of honey, _never_ that cheap, fake, _sickening_ syrup they sell in the grocery stores.

"You're the best. Thank you." Forde will tell him, never really expressing just how _the best_ Kyle _is_. Perfect, just like how he makes him breakfast; _and_ lunch; _and_ dinner most days.

And Kyle usually laughs, scratches the back of his neck, and says " _You're overreacting_."

But today, he doesn't do that. Today, he walks over to the refrigerator, no sign he even _heard_ Forde's positive appraisal. Breath caught in his throat. He grabs a can of whipped cream, and instead of swirling a good amount onto Forde's plate like he's used to Kyle doing, he places it in the middle of the table within both of their reach.

"Forde." He won't look at him, but crosses his arms on the table. _What's wrong_? "...There's something that I think you need to know. Something I need to tell you."

 _Forde can't speak_. It's happening. After being together for a few months, Kyle has _finally_ had enough. Forde anticipated this, but he never thought it was going to come _this soon_.

Of course in the admittedly _short_ span of time they've spent together; they've had their fair share of arguments. But Forde thought that was _normal_ , was _necessary_ in _any_ relationship. Why would Kyle engage in all that and just leave him? Why, After Kyle expressed so many times that he wanted Forde to trust him and be able to tell him the things he feared most; _Kyle is going to leave him?_

 _Forde can't speak_. His heart will break harder than he thought; than he readied himself for. _Forde can't find anything to say,_ so Kyle looks at him for only a moment to make sure he's listening, and then back at the table. Back at the mug he has half filled with overly-sweetened coffee, picking at the chip on the mug's lip with his thumbnail. Forde can't remember if the chip was from prolonged use from Kyle, or if it was there before they even _met_ each other.

"I kind of don't think it's something you'll want to hear... I think it might... _scare_ you. So if you hate me after I say it, _I'll understand..._ But I need to say it, and more than that I need you to know. _You don't need to agree_. But I want to say it now, while you know I _mean_ what I say. Not when I'm drunk or upset or angry..." 

Forde braces himself. This is the last moment he'll remember of Kyle. The last few minutes before it ended were _so perfect_. Forde only _recently_ started to believe, after a bit more communication between them became more common-place, that just _maybe_ Kyle _wasn't_ going to leave. But right now? Not so much. _All that has backfired_. Kyle braces himself too, Forde can tell in the way he stalls for time by taking a swig of coffee.

"I love you, Forde."

The honey and blueberry mixture on his waffles have started seeping into them, deeming it _soggy._ And if he doesn't start eating them _now_ it will be inedible any minute. 

_What did he just say?_

Forde wants to ask again, to see if he heard it right. But instead he sits, staring at a nervous Kyle.

"You don't need to... _l-love_ me _back_. But I need you to know that _I_ love you. No matter how you feel, if you never want to see me again, _I'll still love you_ ; and _I think you deserve to know you are loved_."

" _Kyle..._ " Forde barely squeaks out, with his voice being lost a minute ago. He can see the worry and fear that he was feeling has now transported into Kyle's head.

Forde wants to feel guilty for even _thinking_ he was about to break up with him when there was _nothing_ that would signify them drifting apart, since they _actually_ started dating, started referring to each other as each other's _boyfriends_ ; since they really started to _learn_ about each other. _But Kyle looks like he thought Forde wouldn't love him back?_ He's just as guilty of ignorance as Forde himself.

" _I love you, too_." And _he_ needs to say it so _Kyle_ knows. He thought it would be harder to say, but surprisingly he has no trouble.

Kyle swallows, and exhales a breath he was probably holding for far too long. " You're... not just... _saying_ that?" He reaches for the aerosal can, shakes it, and scribbles little squiggles on his own plate. His mouth is in a firm line, somewhere inbetween smiling and frowning-- _uncertainty._

"No. Of course not. _I love you_. But holy shit, you _did_ scare me. I thought you were about to break up with me."

"What?!" Kyle's reserved and anticipatory act is slowly fading, as shock finds its way onto his face instead. "Why the hell would I break up with you _right after I made you breakfast_? In your _own home_?"

"And why did _you_ seem surprised to hear me tell you that I _love you back?"_

"...Fair."

Kyle _smiles_ then... and Forde knows that it's in relief. Finally, he reaches over and finishes Forde's waffles off with a bit of whipped cream.

"Why are you drawing an ass on my food?"

"A- _what?_ An _ass_? It's not an ass!" Kyle spins Forde's plate around. "From _my_ angle, it's a _heart!"_

"That's not a heart, Kyle. _That's an ass_ , just upside-down now. It's lopsided. It's not a heart; it's an ass."

"Well, _you are what you eat._ "

"A fine piece of one _, if I do say so myself_."

"I was _calling_ you an _asshole,_ but I can't deny _that_ , either. Well So- _rry_ I can't draw as well as _your_ fine piece of ass."

"...I really do love you, Kyle."

Kyle tries to hide his smile, but it's still so beautiful to Forde. Kyle smiling is _so beautiful._ It's more beautiful than any scene he's ever tried to paint, any place he's ever been, any other person he's ever known.

"... _Shh_. Eat your breakfast."

 _Not_ perfect, Forde thinks for the first time. None of this has _ever_ been perfect. No wonder he was so scared of the downfall; because perfect _never existed in the first place,_ and he has been so wrapped up in _'perfect'_ that he couldn't see beyond it.

Perfect isn't humanly possible, _but some things can come pretty damn close._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh i FORGOT this was the chapter i mention Kyle drinks decaf. how ironic. considering im posting this rn this second BC I ONLY HAD ESPRESSO LYINY AROUND AND I WANTED COFFEE SO I JUST DRANK IT AND THATS WHY IM POSTING IT BC IM SO ENERGIZED I CANT DO ANYTHING ELSE WELL WITHOUT JITTERINESS .EVE N THO I CANNOT TOLERATE CAFFEINE AND I AM CONSTANTLY PROJECTING ONTO KYLE!!!!!!!


	7. Chapter 7

Kyle wipes the sweat from his forehead. Part of the reason is due to how much warmer it's been getting out, the other anxiety over what he needs to get done.

Forde's laying on his stomach on the floor, flipping through an art and direction book from some anime or video game or another. " _It's cooler down here_." He told him. _"Join me."_

"...I'm busy."

Kyle's scanning through the photos on his phone. _Where did he put it?_ He should have put it in a folder or saved it to find it easier later. Wait, did he ever even remember to _take_ the picture?

Last week, Forde completed the piece for Mia; the one of what brought her and her fiancee together, and the one that... _kind_ of brought _them_ together. 

She seemed to like it, judging by Forde's report of how she reacted when she saw it. Kyle wouldn't have doubted that in the slightest; but it's nice to see just how _relieved_ Forde is now that it's finished.

But it reminded him if something _else--_ He hasn't sent in any form of R.S.V.P yet.

It's not that he _forgot_ , he just... spent too long convinced he never would _actually_ show up. So, a picture of the invite on his phone, blurry and taken in low lighting, stares back at him now. There was something he needed to confirm on it, something he felt like he remembered it saying.

Back when he first opened it, it held no signifigance to him. 

The line under his name that says

_'and Guest'_

Kyle can't believe himself, he's about to ask Forde if he wants to come with him. He is positive, if his card says that, they must _all._ No way would she ever have expected _him_ to want to bring someone.

Kyle sits down on the floor besides Forde, crossing his legs in front of him. He feels a tug on his sleeve. 

_"Come heereeee."_

"Wait. _Give me a second_... I have to ask you something first."

"Hmm?" Forde rolls onto his back, stretching his arms at his sides. " _What you want!?_ "

It's kind of a serious thing he's about to ask; and he wanted to _act_ as such when asking it. But Forde's _so_ dumb and cute he can't help but laugh a little.

Forde fans himself slightly with the red-washed material of the tank top he wears. "Out with it! _I_ was busy, too."

"Sheesh. _Hardly_." Kyle pokes him in the ribs, and he closes up like a bear trap. "But uh, seriously. I have something to ask you. Would you... be willing to... go to Mia's wedding with me?"

Forde mulls over it; but not as long as Kyle thinks he should.

"Sure." He says, nonchalantly.

"Wh-what? You're just gonna accept like _that?_

Forde sits himself up, moving closer, wrapping his legs around Kyle's waist, sitting on his lap. " _Yah_." He drops casually again, _so_ casually, licking the roof of his mouth so the word is drawn out.

"I didn't think you'd be so... _okay_ with it? Doesn't it sound even a _little_ bit awkward? Now I actually have to _tell_ her I'm gonna bring someone? _I was kind of counting on you not saying yes!"_

"Sounds to me like _you're_ the one who thinks it's gonna be awkward. _You_ don't even _want_ me there. You just want to have someone with you so you don't stand alone drinking cocktail after cocktail at the open bar."

_"...Yes."_

Forde snorts, laughing and hanging his head in the crook of Kyle's neck. It tickles.

Kyle can't say it, but that's not the _only_ reason he wants him there. He also wants him to meet his parents. And it seems like a good enough time as ever; they can only tease Kyle about it so much; while during something that's so important to Mia. Can only react so much if the topic of _how they met_ happens to come up.

"Just get it over with. Call her now."

"Isn't _calling_ impolite?"

"Since when have _you_ cared about being polite? Wouldn't it be even more impolite if you sent it formally and she didn't get it in time? You're _running_ _out_ of time. She's your immediate family, so you can get an impolite pass anyway."

"But... I don't wanna."

" _Bleh_. You can do it. You are Big Strong Boi. I bewieve in youuu. 

"You... _are so fucking weird."_

"Stop buying for time!" Forde hugs him so hard he almost feels the wind get knocked out of him. "Call! Call! Call!"

"Okay, _I get it!_ Such a _nuisance..._ Get off me so I can move."

"Nope. Don't trust you. If I get up, then you'll flee! This way you _have_ to do it now. _I have you right where I want you."_

"...Fuck you."

" _Love you, too_. Now hurry this shit up!"

"Nooooo. I'm not _Big Strong Boi._ I'm _Small Scared Man_. I need you to lend me your strength."

"Aww, does my _wittle baby Kyle_ want me to hold his _wittle hand?"_

"Yes but _please_ don't ask like that."

"Eh heh heh." Forde lifts his hand up, kisses the back of it, and intertwines their fingers. "Now..." Forde's free hand slides down his back and into his pocket, bringing out his phone. " _Call her."_

"Thought you were trying to do _something else..."_

"You slut. _Later_. Now call."

_"Okay,_ Okay! Just _quiet_ yourself!"

Forde shuts up, and Kyle finally finds it in himself to call.

He brings the phone to his ear, the same side Forde lays his head on. _He'll_ be able to hear, too. _Just please don't_ _say anything_.

_"Kyle?!"_

The almost deafening scream of surprise on the other end causes him to instinctively pull his phone away. He accidentally hits Forde in the face.

Forde's not supposed to talk now, but he doesn't need to, judging by the death-glare he gives him as he rubs the red mark on his cheek where the phone just bitch-slapped him.

"Uhm. Uh. _Hey."_

"Is something wrong?"

"Uh... no?"

"Right. Sorry. You just, ...you _never_ call. I thought you might be in trouble."

Forde snickers. 

"No I... I was actually... _You're getting married soon_ , right? Is it... _too late_ to tell you I'm coming?"

_"No!_ Not at all. _You're really coming?_ I haven't seen you in so long. I'm glad to hear you say that. What kind of wedding would it be without my own _brother?"_

Ugh...

"Sorry for not... _talking_ to you at all."

"No... I get it... sometimes it feels like life drags on, but when you look back, _it went too fast_."

"...Nervous as the day draws nearer?"

"Well, _yeah?_ And now you're telling me _you're_ coming? That's _another_ head I need to add to the list... _more_ stuff I need to make sure is ready. It'd be weirder if I _wasn't_ nervous. By the way... have you spoken to mom or dad lately?"

"...Uh, _no."_

"Could you? I'm kind of getting tired of hearing how worried they are about you. Why do _I_ have to hear the end of it, when there _is_ no end in sight? I've got enough I'm busy trying to figure out right now-"

_"Enough,_ enough. _I'm sorry_."

Her word's might be heavy, but they _are_ with a light hearted tone. This isn't so bad, after all. He has just _one more_ thing to ask of her.

"Great. Now just apologize to _mom and dad_ too, and I'll forgive you."

"I will... I promise. But uh, there's... _one more thing..."_

"Oh, _right._ What should I mark you for dinner?"

"... _That's not what I was--_ Well... uhm... _I dunno..."_ Kyle was too wrapped up in _other_ things that he forget to make a mental note to really _look_ at the menu on the card. "Steak?" He feels like he _might_ have remembered reading filet mingon, but maybe not? _Maybe he's just going to sound stupid._

"Alright, let me get a pen and write it down. _Wait--_ I'm telling you right now it probably won't be as well-done as how you always used to make dad make _yours._ If you want your so-cooked-it's-charred steak, you'll have to be _that guy_ who _sends it back_."

"...That's fine, I'll suffer through it."

Forde is trying so hard not to laugh. _The jerk_.

"Good to hear you're so _excited_ to come."

" _That's not what I meant._ " Maybe ' _suffer'_ wasn't the best word to use... "But that wasn't... _there's still something I have to ask."_

"Yes?"

Kyle feels his heart rate pick up. Why is this so _nerve-_ wracking? 

Forde squeezes his hand a little tighter; he starts nuzzling his face into Kyle's. Kyle can feel his eyelashes against his skin.

_Kyle swallows his fear_. There's no reason in keeping his relationship a secret when he _is_ so happy about it.

"Is there still time to put down that I will be bringing a date?"

Kyle loves Forde so much, he more or less _wants_ the world to know. Incidentally, Forde kind of _is_ his world, and _he_ already knows. So saying it to anyone _else_ still causes his words to jumble and come from his mouth almost unintelligible.

The line goes quiet. Did she not hear him? Does he _seriously_ have to say that _again?_

"Mia? I was asking if-"

"I heard you. I'm just shocked. You're not _messing_ with me, are you?"

"No! C'mon, _is it that weird if I want to bring someone?"_

"It is _very_ weird."

"...Well, _I'm serious._ Is there still room or not?"

"...Yes. There is. But just to be clear, _you're not trying to screw me over with an empty seat?"_

"No, I'm not! _Jeez."_

"Okay, okay. What happened since I last saw you? What ever happened to my _little bro_ who always said ' _dating is dumb_ '. Now you're going to bring someone? If you feel pressured because you think everyone _else_ will bring someone, _please_ don't feel the need to just _drag_ someone along."

"No, he's... he's not, just... _look_. He's my boyfriend, _okay_?"

"...Your boyfriend? You have a _boyfriend_ now? Are you sick? _You_ called _me_ , when I thought it was going to come down to _me_ having to _ask_ if you were going to come. And now you tell me you _have a boyfriend?_ Something _must_ be wrong with you."

Kyle squeezes his eyes shut. As if it would make Mia less able to mock him, and stop the blatant amusement on Forde's face.

"Please spare me..."

_"I'm only teasing you_. It sounds like you've grown a lot since I last saw you. _That's good_. Now, what's his name so I can put him on the list?"

_His name?_ Kyle didn't think this far. Kyle only thought about telling her he was bringing someone; then wait about having to deal with _actually_ showing Forde's face until her wedding day. He thought he could hold this out just a _little_ bit longer.

"...His name?"

"Yeah? Kyle, it's _okay if you don't have a date_ -"

"It's _'Forde'."_ Kyle decides to just throw it out there; just say it. _Get it over with._

_"...Forde._ That's funny. I thought that was an uncommon name, or at least _I've_ never heard it before. But that's the second time I've heard of it recently. That was the name of the artist who painted one of my wedding gifts. You'll see it when you come; looks really good. I wasn't going to bring it there, but... I might as well. Where everyone can see it."

Kyle puts his hand over the microphone for a second. ' _Kill me_.' He mouths. Forde smiles.

"I uh, _I know_."

"Oh? Did... _mom_ tell you about it...?" 

She sounds so _confused_. Especially since Kyle said he hasn't _talked_ to his mother in awhile.

"No. That's _him_. He's... _the same Forde_."

"Okay, Kyle. _You're not funny_. I get it. _You don't have a date_. No one's going to make fun of you if that's what you think-"

_"I mean it_. He's my boyfriend... _and I want him to come._ I... want him to meet mom and dad, because he's already met _you_."

"I don't believe you. "

"Why not...? He's right here, _you're probably hurting his feelings."_

Probably not, _he_ seems to think this is funny.

"He is? _Fine._ If you're not just pulling my leg; _prove it._ I'm going to face-call you."

" _Oh my God,_ no-"

A second later, Kyle is getting a face-call.

Ugh. He _has_ to pick it up, or she won't take him seriously; and if she doesn't believe him, then she won't add Forde to the list.

"Could you get _off_ of me?" Kyle tries, but Forde won't budge. _What is she going to think?_

_Just press the button, don't think about it too hard, Kyle._

He tries his best to position the camera so it doesn't look like Forde is _sitting_ on top of him. _Why won't he get off_? Doesn't he understand how _embarrassing_ this is?

"Do you-- do you recognize this apartment?" In the corner of the screen, Kyle can see how much he's _blushing._ He might have to change his name and face after this; so no one else can find him for as long as he lives.

_Try not to focus on himself_... focus the camera on the area around him...

"Actually? _Yeah_ , a bit. But you think _that's_ enough? Let me see him. Let me see you two _together."_

Forde still doesn't say anything; instead finally makes himself visible in the shot. And the _first thing he does_ is kiss Kyle _directly on the mouth._

Not even the cheek or forehead; not even anything that could at least be _sort_ of respectable. Forde kisses him, and it's _so_ hard-wired into Kyle's brain to kiss _back_ , deeper; That a second goes by where he forgets his sister is watching and he almost uses tongue.

_Almost_.

The best he can, with one hand holding his phone, and Forde not entirely giving him mobility by sitting on him, Kyle grabs Forde's face and pulls it off of his.

" _Would you stop that?!"_

"Okay. I understand. I'll mark you two down."

"B-but _that_ was enough to convince you? That's what you _needed to see!?"_

"No, no. _Ha._ What conviced me is how happy you look. _That's_ what I needed to see."

"...I hate you people."

" _But I can't believe you're_... how long have you two been together? How did you even _meet_ each other?"

"I do not wish to answer that at this time."

"Then I will ask Forde. He talks to me more than you have."

It's true, but she _doesn't need to point it out._

"He's not going to tell y-"

"What do you want to know, exactly?" This is the first thing Forde says during the duration of the call... and Kyle's kind of glad it's his sister and not his parents. He's already made an impression on _her,_ so if he _needs_ to _act up,_ now's the time.

_"C'mon,_ Forde. _Don't-"_

"How long ago did you meet each other?"

"About five months."

Why is he so _enthusiastic_ about answering this? _Stupid_...

"Where?"

" _Please don't answer that-"_ Is Kyle even _here?_ is anyone even _listening_ to him?

"A bar. I know, nothing _romantic_ in the slightest. _But it only goes downhill from there."_

"Oh my _God_ Kyle. _W_ _ere you drunk!?"_

"Kyle was in fact drunk."

"Leave me alone..."

"A _bar,_ and Kyle was _drunk?_ Who hit on who? Did you plan on... actually _dating?"_

Why does she have to infer so far ahead? All her assumptions are correct so far, _but why does she have to infer so far ahead?_

"Eh heh... both; I guess you could say-"

"I _did not_ hit on you."

"Yes you did, Kyle. _Don't lie."_

"Did no-"

"You were _begging_ me; I swear you were about to _cry_ , begging me until I said that I would bring you home. Don't say you weren't hitting on me, _because you were."_

_"Forde!_ Stop! _Don't tell her lies!"_

"What? _You don't remember_? Were you too drunk to remember grabbing my arm and looking at me with your sad, _pleading_ eyes that I just _couldn't_ say no to? You're telling me you forgot all of that?"

"That... _didn't happen_." Now that Forde _reminds_ him... well... maybe it _did_ happen. But he can still feign ignorance, for what it's worth. "If I was too _drunk_ to remember, then who says _you're_ not making up lies?"

"Well. I guess no one really knows, then. Mia can believe _whoever_ she wants to."

Why does he get the feeling she's going to believe _Forde_? Why does he feel like Mia is _already_ taking a liking, the sort where she acknowledges Forde as her younger brother and they will band together to tease the youngest; _himself_.

Kyle has made some mistakes here.

"I'll give you both the benefit of the doubt and not pick sides because I wasn't there. But I'm mad at you, Kyle. You've been together for _five months_? No _way_ you didn't know I _hired_ him?"

"I knew... _after a few days..."_

"And you didn't even like, _tell_ me?"

"...It's not easy to bring up that we by chance ended up... _you know."_

"Okay, Okay. I've had my fun. I'm starting to feel _bad_ for you. You can tell me the rest some other time, I don't want to forget to get your tables. I'll talk to you later. Don't forget to call mom and dad."

"...I know."

" _And thanks for deciding to come_."

"Yeah... Bye..."

"Bye."

Weird. It's been a while since they've talked. He almost swore he wasn't going to be able to hold conversation, let alone it almost feeling _natural_.

Sighing, Kyle lays back onto the floor; pulling Forde on top with him. 

"I can't escape your antics. Someone else will always be trying to antagonize me."

"Such is the life of a guy who is very easy to rouse."

_"Ugh._ That's out of the way. But I still... kinda _am_ scared to go. I haven't seen her boyfriend in awhile. He wasn't a _bad_ person. They're good together. But there was _one thing_ he used to do that I _hated."_

"What?"

"...He would call me Kylie. I hope he's forgotten about that."

"...Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"...You just made the worst mistake in your life by telling me that."

_"What...?_ No! _Don't you dare_!"

"Kylie."

"That's _not_ my name! _So I just won't respond."_

"Ok, _Kylie._ I'll make a deal. You call me _Ford-ay_ and I'll call you Kylie."

Mindlessly tracing the shape of Forde's shoulderblade under his fingertips...

"... _You remember that?"_

"Yup."

"...I'm surprised. Your memory capacity seems pretty big for how much of a low IQ you seem to have."

"Well aren't _you_ smooth. But _what do you mean?!"_

"You're just bringing up a lot of old stuff, is all."

A lot of old stuff... a lot of old stuff that Kyle was _worried_ about before. A lot of old stuff Kyle can _now_ look back on and be happy about it happening.

"...Well... thinking about _'old stuff'_ had me wondering. Just why _did_ you plead so much that night? What was _wrong_ with you?"

" _Yeah_? Well why did _you_ sit next to me with the _clear_ intent to take _me_ to bed?"

"You answer first."

"I told you I don't remember."

Forde frowns. 

"Okay, _fine_. You win. I wanted you so _bad_ that night because you were beautiful. A reprieve after having been alone for so long. You seemed... like me, that _something_ was upsetting you but you were doing a better job in hiding it than I was. Maybe I felt bad. Maybe I saw myself. Not sure, other than the fact that there was just _something_ about you... mysterious and out-there _all at the same time_. You were... _clearly_ very different to me than anyone else I had ever met."

"...Wait, _seriously_? You thought _all that?_ "

"...Yeah."

"Wow. That was so... _touching._ Makes what I'm about to say sound awful. I sat next to you because one look at you and I thought ' _He's gotta big dick. I know he does'."_

"..."

" _OK_ not _entirely_ all I thought. I can say, that I can't _remember_ if there were any other people to hit on so late at night, because if there _were_ , I saw _you_ first. And I was immedietly _captured._ Maybe I _could_ have seen someone else, taken _them_ home instead; but _you were the only person I saw."_

"...I like your dick answer better."

"Aww. _Are you blushing?"_

"...No."

"No wonder I didn't want to look at the rest of my options. You were cute then, _and you're cute now_."

" _Please_..."

"Hehe. I can't believe I've only known you for about five months. Telling your sister really made me realize it's _only been five months_. Feels longer."

"...Hopefully that's not a _bad_ thing."

"Most definitely not. I look forward to _... many more_ five months...You make me really happy, Kyle."

Ah, _that's all Kyle wants_. For Forde to be happy. And _he's_ helping him do so.

"...You make me happy, too."

"What? I can't hear you. You're talking too softly."

" _You heard me._ "

"Hmm hehe _... maybe..._ but maybe I want to hear you say it _again."_

"...I guess it's not the _worst_ thing to repeat... fine; _You_ _make_ _me_ very _happy_. I love you, Forde. Even if you _did_ soften me up in order to make me feel that way."

"...As long as I've known you... _you've always been_ pretty _soft."_

"Just goes to show how much of an influence you had on me from the start."

"You know... the more I think about it... maybe I _am_ a little scared, too. I don't want to go to your sister's wedding if she's gonna put out my shitty painting. And just _wait_ until what she thinks when I tell her you were in my closet when she was over that one day."

"...Don't be so harsh on yourself. I think that painting means more to _me_ than my sister."

"...Really?"

"To _her,_ it's just a _picture_ of the place she met the love of her life. But to me? I think if it wasn't for that, I probably would have just walked away... To _me_ , it helped me come to terms with meeting the love of _mine_."

"You're too _sappy."_ Forde's smile puts Kyle at ease; along with the hand he runs through Kyle's hair.

"Got a problem with that?"

"Sappy... like syrup... _sweet like honey."_

" _Stop_. You're embarrassing me... _Ugh._ And I don't have anything to _wear,_ either. I think I'll just buy a used suit."

"A _used_ suit? For a _wedding_?"

"Yeah? Crazy-rich people turn their worn-once stuff into thrift shops _all_ the time. As long as I can find something that fits; no one will notice."

"...Am I in love with Macklemore?"

" _What_?"

_"Macklemore._ You are so caught up on saving money you won't even wear a _clean,_ brand-new suit to what may be one of your sister's most _important_ days of her life. You're gonna _thrift_ it. You _should_ want to look your best, MacKyleMore. Especially after you haven't seen your family in so long."

"...I can't even think about what you're _trying_ to tell me when you call me _that_."

"MacKyleMore needs to save some money. MacKyleMore is gonna get MacKyle- _More_ for MacKyle- _Less_."

"I'd rather you call me _'Kylie'."_

"MacKylieMore."

" _Let's break up."_

"Ahhhh ha ha. That's _finally_ too much for you?"

_"...No._ I _still_ love you... even if you give me reasons not to."

"I love you, too. Especially after you give me reasons _to_. You do tell me that you love me a _lot,_ Kyle. _Do you realize that?"_

"I...I-I just _say what I'm thinking!"_

"Mmmhh... _I_ couldn't do that."

"..."

"Because then I'd never be saying anything else."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If i REALLY thought i was gonna go 8 Entire Chapters of a sequel to the fic that made my brain spawn my favorite Personal Kyle Meme (MacKyleMore ) and NOT mention him in it once SOMEWHERE, then i played myself for a damn fool


	8. Chapter 8

Kyle turns the knob on the car stereo down so it's nearly off. Forde plays the _weirdest_ music in the passenger seat... but when _Forde_ drives, he seems to play normal stuff instead.

_"Soooo,_ what'd you think of the ceremony?"

They're on their way to the reception venue now, and unlike the actual wedding which took place at a quaint little church; this is at a 5-star luxury hotel. 

"It was fine until people tried to _talk_ to me."

"No one said anything _that_ personal to you, Forde. Come on. _Don't act like that_." Does he already hate his family?

"I'm joking! What I _didn't_ like was _you_ rubbing my leg under the church pew so you would make me look down and circle-game me. Do you have any _idea_ how hard it was for me to not _die_ laughing?"

_"Nope."_

"You did it when they where _exchanging vows._ Did you _want_ me to crack up _then?"_

"But you didn't. You kept your laughter contained." Kyle takes one hand off the wheel and ruffles Forde's hair parted with gel. " _Good job_."

"Why couldn't you just stay calm like the rest of the room? Even children can sit and watch a short marriage service." Forde looks in the review mirror to fix his hair. "Your attention span is God-awful."

"Not true. It's just selectively attentive on the things that matter to _me_."

"Like trying to make the _complete stranger_ to everyone in the room burst out laughing and have him ruin the moment?"

"Your fault if you decided to laugh."

"Jeez. Why'd you turn my music off?!" Forde reaches his hand out and Kyle slaps it away.

"Because it's hard to drive when Crazy Frog keeps saying ' _Bing Bing Bing Bada Bing Bing Bing_ ' over and _over_ again."

"Oh come on! I said you can play whatever you want when _I_ drive home!"

"If we ever live to see that far! If I hear any more repetitive and annoying noise I might just crash the car here and now. I hear enough of that from _you_."

" _But you have so much to live for!_ "

Kyle shakes his head and smiles. "I know, I _know I do_."

"But if you're GONNA do it, do it _now_ while you lookin' fresh AF. The embalmers won't even have to lay a finger on you. I'm glad; it's a good thing I managed to convince you to buy an _actual suit."_

" _I'm_ not! I'm never gonna wear it again after tonight!"

"What if I get on my knees and beg? _You look hot_."

"I'm _trying to drive."_

"You missed a turn."

"Shut up."

"No, I'm serious. Like, two minutes ago."

"I did _not_ -" Kyle does a double-take at the the GPS on his phone screen on the dash. "Oh, shit, _FUCK_. If you noticed _why didn't you say anything_!?"

_"Hehehe,_ because you turned off my Axel F."

"Well, go _Axel F_ yourself because I don't know where to park! I wanted to get there earlier because most of the places are meters."

Kyle turns around before he could have driven _too_ far out of the way. He manages to snag a spot in the lot without a meter.

* * *

"This sure is..."

" _Something_."

"Yeah." Kyle agrees. This place is... elaborate. It feels like after even just walking in, they have been transported to some yacht-club or golfer lifestyle. Maybe even it's not appropriate for their own time period. It is _very ritzy_.

"What are we... supposed to do until actual dinner?" Forde whispers to him behind a hand.

"Sit and look pretty."

" _I_ can only do _half_ of that. You'll have to do the latter part... Should I take a sample? Is that okay?"

"They're _hors d'oeuvres_ , not samples."

_"'Sample'_ is easier to say." Forde picks up a cube of food stabbed with a toothpick. "What even is this?"

"Like hell if I know... eat it and find out."

Forde blinks at it, confused, before he smells it. "It smells cold."

"How can it _smell cold?_ "

"Here. You eat it."

Forde comes up to him, and while Kyle is trying to let out a sound of disagreement, Forde feeds him something that surely _tastes_ cold.

"What is it?"

_"Hmm...?_ I don't know! I _still_ don't know! Tuna, maybe?"

"If it was tuna, you'd _know_ it was tuna. _Tuna has a taste_."

"I don't _eat_ tuna."

"Well, maybe you _just did_."

A good amount of time is spent in waiting; trying to guess what _kind_ of cheese this or that could _possibly_ be, or telling Forde to go surprise him with a drink he'll probably never have the chance to get so easily again in his life; and Forde brings him back watered-down Minute Maid orange juice because he _thinks he's funny_. Or people coming up to Kyle telling him they _'Haven't seen him since he was just a baby_.' Or ' _When did you get taller than me_?'

It's... a lot at once. And Kyle's thankful he has Forde right next to him the whole time to pull him up from how uncomfortable it all is. Even when they are clearly, _mentally_ (No one _says_ it out, but Kyle knows they're wondering about how someone like _him_ has a boyfriend) assuming that the two of them are a couple (correctly assuming); _even then_ he's glad Forde's with him.

And enough taking advantage of cocktail-hour and enough mingling _does_ get tiring. Somehow, Forde's better at all of the crowd-sitting than he is. Even if _he_ doesn't _know_ anyone. Maybe Forde was right when he said he wanted to bring him along so he wouldn't be alone-- because when he _does_ leave the atmosphere feels almost heavy.

"I think I gotta go to the bathroom. Where was it again?"

"I think someone said it was on the second level."

"Alright, I'll be back in a minute."

Not much to do with Forde leaving him like this. He was relying on his company more than he realized. All of the lounge chairs are taken, so he leans against the side of a wall and plucks a grape off of its stem from the fruit table. 

This place is too small, for the amount of people in it. He's constantly having to move himself so people can make it through, yet there aren't enough chairs. By the time they'll actually sit down and eat, he'll be exhausted; and maybe even _full_ if he sits around all these appetizers too long.

"Kyle."

Looking up from the platter, he finds his father. He has spoken very little to his mother over the past few years; his father even _less_. He doesn't like the idea of catch-up being forced out of him at a place like this; noisy and cramped.

"Uh, hey, dad..."

"It's good seeing you again. Your mother isn't even showing you the whole truth of how overjoyed she was to see your face again."

Exactly... he _knew_ he would say this. It's not a bad thing to hear, it's just uncomfortable to _talk_ about.

"Yeah, but..." Kyle trails off, losing his train of thought. Just what is he supposed to say?

"Your sister is happy you made it too, you know." 

"..." Kyle stands still, swirling the white wine in his glass. Through the translucent spinning vortex in the center, he eyes the marbled floor. It really hits him there, just how _expensive_ this venue is. It's the _least_ of what his sister deserves, he thinks. After _he_ was born, his parents had to _take care_ of the _youngest_ after all. 

He and Mia _used_ to be close when they were really young, even if they had their differences and fair share of sibling rivalries. But he guesses even the closest of families drift apart. 

_'It was that damned rebellious phase I'm still living through.'_ He silently thinks, and realizes he's smiling.

"This place is really... well... It's something else." His father says, laughing himself; reading Kyle's thoughts. "I'm glad to see you again, but _this wasn't cheap._ They _said_ they'll pay me back the portion I helped with... but... I don't know how much of that was the truth. So enjoy everything you can get your hands on."

"Oh, _give her a break_." Kyle is laughing, now too. Why has he spent so long avoiding the people who love him? "You always gave _me_ one. It's _her_ turn."

"I'll hold you to that. If you don't want anymore ' _breaks'..._ then don't come asking for 5-star meals and out-of-season fruit when _you_ get married. Settle for some place less _extravagant_."

The last sentence never reaches Kyle. The one before it is too busy preoccupying his brain from continuing conversation.

_When you get married._

His dad never _said_ a name, but Kyle knows what he's thinking. 

All those years of Kyle saying to his parents, to his high school friends; that ' _marriage is stupid'_? Yet why can't he deny that suggestion from ever happening anymore?

"I was just joking with you. Don't be scared to come to us if you need it. It doesn't hurt to _call_ once in awhile, either."

Oh _come on_. Like he doesn't understand why what he just said made Kyle _completely_ freeze up.

"Dad! _What are you saying_..." He grits his teeth, afraid of being too loud. "Why would you _bring that up now_?"

"I know you love him, Kyle. _I can tell_." He takes a look over his shoulder while Kyle is still trying to process all this. Was Kyle always so easy to read? "But uh, speaking of... Hopefully soon he can _properly_ meet your mother and I. Sometime in a few weeks, maybe. And if _you_ don't call about it, _I_ will. And if you don't _answer..._ I'll make Mia contact you through a _different_ means."

He pats him on the shoulder, and disappears into the sea of tipsy guests and decorated tables. Not long after, Kyle hears Forde behind him.

"Those bathrooms are so _clean..._ it almost feels like a waste. Considering a bathroom is somewhere you're supposed to _put_ waste."

Forde comes up besides him, smelling faintly of a cologne he wasn't wearing before. Kyle's going to have a headache by the end of the day. Just because the stuff in the baskets on the sink are free to use and look expensive, doesn't mean you should take a _shower_ in it.

"What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost. Wasn't your father just talking to you? Did he say something to upset you?"

Maybe Kyle _is_ that easy to read. At least to his family. At least to the person who may one day very well _become_ family, too.

"I'm fine."

"You're warm." Forde reaches his hand out to feel his forehead. The overly-pungent scent fills his senses further. It's so unlike Forde-- who he associates with soft and comforting smells. Fresh linen, crushed flowers, berries and cream. Each are just like Forde; with a bit of tanginess, but the _perfect amount of sweet._

"I just took too much advantage of the open bar."

" _You haven't even had that much_. You were fine before. Tell me, please. What's the matter?"

Forde's hand is now caressing the side of his face. _Forde is concered about him_. Just as, when he needs to be, _Kyle is about Forde._

Kyle smiles, and lifts his own hand over Forde's. "I told you, I'm fine. All he said was that I shouldn't have spent so long ignoring him and my mother. And I feel guilty about it."

" _Oh_." Kyle feels the softness touching his face remove itself, but Forde entertwines their fingers while he moves both of their hands to their side. "In _that_ case, why am I checking to see if you're okay? He's _right_. And you _should_ feel guilty."

"Oh, _God._ Cut me some slack."

Getting married, huh...

Kyle brings Forde's hand to his face once more, burrying his nose in his wrist. "And I guess I _didn't_ have enough to drink to make me _too_ sick, but I won't need to in order to want to throw up. _Just what the hell are you wearing_?"

Forde bursts out laughing, pulling his arm back to get a good smell of himself. "It's that noticeable, huh? Well, it _is_ pretty bad I guess."

"Why did you put so much on?"

"Well... I mean... I wasn't planning to. But the first one was just _so bad_. So I tried to cover it up with something else. That... didn't help. So I tried again. And now it's just... three repulsives scents mingling together on my skin."

"I think I'm gonna have to avoid you tonight. You're giving me a headache. You're a lot more pleasant to be around when you smell like flowers and sunshine."

"You like it _better_ when I smell like a girl?" 

"No. I like it better when you smell like _you_. And right now you smell like the furthest thing from what I'm used to. _See you later-_ "

"Oh _c'mon_. Don't _actually avoid me_... Who else am I gonna talk to...? The only other person I even SORTA know is your sister. And she's the _bride_. She's preoccupied."

"Calm down. I'm not _really going to leave you_. You give me headaches even when you _don't_ wear suffocating cologne. Besides. Even if I left you alone, I think you'd fit in _just fine_."

"...You really think so? How would I be ' _fine'_ with no one to talk to? Me standing alone would be so _weird_ , _I don't even know anyone_. "

"Not yet. But, if I'm anything like my parents... _if they're anything like me._.. Then with time, they're gonna _love_ you."

Marriage, huh? Maybe marriage doesn't seem like such a stupid and pointless idea after all.

After the guests all around them have mingled enough, cleared enough plates, spilled enough drinks; Kyle is glad to hear it's actually time to eat. He can sit down and maybe get a little peace and quiet after everyone toasts.

Forde, however, looks sort of anxious. Kyle thinks he has a good idea as to why, too. It's not the socializing with people he doesn't know; no, he's _very good_ at that. It's not that he's had too much to drink, even if his paling complextion makes it seem that way. Forde already said he wasn't going to drink anything so he could drive home. It's neither of those things.

Kyle reaches to his side and takes a hold of Forde's hand while they wait to be told where their seats are. It's currently shakey and tense, but it still has the same strong unwavering grip Kyle is used to.

"Just remember, Forde..." He says so quietly he wonders if Forde can even hear him amidst the commotion of human socialization. "You've done an amazing job."

"..." Forde's grip tightens around his.

"...Don't worry about it. Because there's nothing to worry _about._ Only my sister, my parents, and myself know you've painted it..."

"... _I_ also know _I_ painted it."

"Oh _hush_... but... Forde?"

"...What?"

"Maybe it's weird for you, but... how I see it... I wish everyone in this room knew you were the one behind it."

"W-why would you wish that!? _You hate me that much?!"_

"No Forde, _you know that_." Slowly, Kyle swings their hands back and forth. "I _love_ you that much. I want everyone else to love you as much as I do."

"... _Kyle_."

"It's the truth. Now come on, We're next." 

The attendant asks for their names, and there's an odd satisfaction in after saying his own, Kyle saying " _And Forde_."

Their seats are shared at the same table with Kyle's parents, which isn't surprising, but it sure is weird when Kyle has to pretend like he doesn't see the look his father gives him.

"Did you two sign the guest book yet?" His mother asks while Kyle is trying to remember what order he's supposed to use the forks in front of him when the food is served.

"Huh?" Kyle's trying not to look uncomfortable, but he knows what his parents are thinking. _He's thinking it too_. "Uh-- no. W-Where is it?"

"Down there on the table.

"C'mon, Fo-"

Kyle looks to his left. Forde is sitting with his hands in fists on his legs, head hung low.

" _Forde_?"

"Go on, sign it."

"You're a guest too, are you not?"

Forde looks up at him, and Kyle thought he was going to look sad or upset or scared; but Forde is smiling.

" _Go sign it_."

Kyle gives him a confused look. "Not without you." And he grabs him by the arm and drags him towards the wall.

_Oh_. 

_That's_ why he's acting funny.

Next to the guestbook, on the flower petal-decorated table, sits Forde's painting.

Forde must have already noticed it.

Kyle didn't think she was going to _really_ use it as decor here today. That's why he had so much confidence in why Forde shouldn't feel even the _slightest_ bit self-conscious.

But even so, he shouldn't be. _It's perfect._ He really should be proud of himself.

"Forde..." Kyle mumbles as he picks up a pen and scribbles down his name. "It's up to you-- sign it to look exactly as you did in the corner of your painting. Or sign it so it doesn't even look like the same name at all. _I'd_ prefer the first option, _but it's not_ my _wedding_. But, if it _were,_ I'd want the name of the man who captured how I met my partner so well; to look _exactly_ like the name of how he wrote his signature on a memory he captured perfectly in a painting."

_"...Jerk."_ Forde grabs the pen from Kyle, and in a quick motion writes his name how he _always_ does, balanced and flowing.

"I mean..." Kyle starts, smiling at Forde for giving into a bit of prideful acceptance. "The painting's never going to let them forget how they felt when they first met, I think. I don't think they should forget _your_ name either."

"You're so flattering." Forde looks at him, softly and loving; after he's capped the pen and set it back on the table. " _Are you drunk already_?"

Kyle laughs. "Yes. _But not on wine_." 

It hits him that it's probably during these moments that his dad gets the idea to say ' _Y_ _ou love him, I can tell.'_ A little humiliating... He's probably _watching_ them _now._ But, Kyle... _doesn't really care_.

The night draws out, long and tiring. Forde gets his fair share of compliments from Kyle's parents; things like _'If you're so capable of making a place look so romantic in just a painting, at least we know our son is in good hands.'_ Or praising him for his ability to ' _Deal with such a tempermental boyfriend.'_

_This_ earns enough humiliation out of Kyle that he ends up drinking enough to where he's slurring his words and laughing at nothing. Maybe he even _admitted_ to his parents that he wants to get married pretty badly too; all the while Forde was up getting something from the dessert table to share with Kyle.

Who really knows if he admitted that, though? Forde was lost in the line of people hungry for a sugar high-- and Kyle was lost in the thought of how much he loves Forde.

"Hey, Kyle." Forde asks after he forced some water on him instead of names of drinks he hasn't ever even _heard_ of before tonight. It's getting late now, and everyone's a little full on cake and talking and music. "Would you dance with me, just for one song?"

Kyle blinks, "...Okay."

"Then get up."

Kyle laughs, but manages to stand up without tripping or even _stumbling._ With the help of Forde's arms around him, of course.

It's _so_ late now. Most people are probably tired enough that they just want to go home. The dance floor is nearly empty, so it's not that hard to hear what Forde says to him; even amidst his faint drunken stupor and the loud music.

"It's kind of funny, if you think about it..." Forde trails off, looking into Kyle's eyes. "One of the first things I recall you saying to me... was telling me to _go away_ if I had a brother who needed a plus one... I never would have thought it would be _me_ that would end up as _yours_."

Kyle never would have thought that _either_. Kyle doesn't even _remember_ ever _saying_ that.

In the so-polished it's reflective marble of the reception hall's dance floor, a flash of yellow glowing in the room's white light rests itself on Kyle's shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and everytime i post anything anywhere ever i feel the need to apologize bc im so annoying i get even on my own nerves but at the same time ...i shouldnt feel the need to bc i had Fun. even if im annoying i had Fun again . what is it about FordeKyle that makes me talk so much????
> 
> that being said i m still sorry anyway i really am im sorry im so obnoxious lmao i need to be put in my place dont deserve to have fun if im that annoying abt it sorry sorry sorry

**Author's Note:**

> Don't crave Peanut Butter Honey Toast at 3 in the morning because you'll accidentally think of a very bad and forced joke between the stupid pairing you haven't been able to stop thinking about for over half a year and then you will end up writing a poorly executed sequel with an awful tone shift to the only fic you wrote and liked previously, somehow longer than the first even though there is no substance to it; and in the end probably ruin why I like the original because not everything needs to go on.
> 
> also dont go downstairs at 3 am wearing nothing but a robe to make Peanut Butter Honey Toast, eat it with a fork because you don't want your hands to get sticky, and then end up getting sticky anyway by spilling honey on your bare titties


End file.
